I pulled away and planted a small kiss on her forehead. She looked so unsure of herself. But she was going to need to work all that out herself. I didn’t want to feel like I was forcing her into something she was unsure about, no matter how sure I was.
“We should start packing. There’s someone coming to fetch our bags in about thirty minutes,” I said.
She touched her lips, looked at me, and nodded. And then, despite how hard it felt, I walked away from her. A part of me thought she might come after me, say fuck it, and we’d kiss again. Another part of me wasn’t sure if she ever would. But I really, really hoped she would.
CHAPTER 53
Ash
We caught a commercial plane back to Cape Town and the best part was that at least we weren’t seated together. This distance gave me a moment to try and sort through my feelings. I hadn’t messaged Sibu that morning. We hadn’t organized a date, but it had felt like the only hand I’d had in that moment, and I’d needed a break.
I’d needed him to stop asking me if it had been meaningless, because I was not ready to answer that question out loud. Out loud would make it more real. In my head, I could still convince myself that . . .
“No, no, no.” I picked up the inflight magazine angrily and flipped through it. A stupid advert for home insurance stared back at me: a cute, happy couple who’d just moved into their first house together, sharing a candlelit dinner of pizza on the floor, full of hopes and dreams and expectations. I flipped to the next page, a perfume commercial featuring a gorgeous couple on the beach, staring into each other’s eyes:Amour, the scent of love.Next page a bloody article about star signs and whether or not you were compatible with your partner. I huffed angrily as I found myself running my finger over the page and finding the Aries/Leo paragraph:the perfect match.As if! I flipped to the next page and was now convinced this magazine was mocking me when I found a full-page advert featuring the most gorgeous, luxurious villa in Clifton, Cape Town:For info and bookings, call Maximillian Adam.
“Nooope!”
I closed the magazine and shoved it back into the seat pocket, the lady sitting next to me shooting me a sideways glance. I didn’t blame her. I was talking to myself and being very dramatic with an inflight magazine. But I was feeling so much internal drama right now that it was spilling out of me.
I didn’t want it to be meaningful with Max.
I couldnotlet it be meaningful with him.
Because meaningful with him was too loaded. It meant loving someone so hard it felt like you could actually explode from the love you felt. It meant then missing someone so badly it felt like you were going to explode from the grief and pain. I looked up when I sensed him looking at me. I hated that I could sense him. I hated that I could tell what he was thinking and feeling, and I absolutely hated the fact that a few hours ago, standing next to the breakfast table overlooking a lake, I knew exactly what he was telling me, and asking me in that kiss.
Our eyes met for a moment and I tried to look unperturbed, chilled, relaxed, not like my inner world was collapsing in on itself because my heart and brain were waging the biggest war of their lives on each other. I contemplated smiling casually, but I knew he would see right through me. Could he see right through me now? Luckily, we were landing soon, and the second we did, I grabbed my bag off the floor and pulled my phone out. The plane hadn’t even come to a stop and I was already messaging him.
Ash:It was so great bumping into you and I’m really craving sushi. Do you happen to be available this week?
I hadn’t been expecting a reply so soon, but one came through almost immediately.
Hot Doc:You basically read my mind. Friday? At seven?
I really should change his name!
Ash:Perfect! See you then.
Hot Doc:Great! My brother-in-law has actually opened a sushi restaurant. It’s an African take on sushi. It’s called Geisha. Are you keen to try it? The food is amazing and I like supporting him.
My stomach dropped. What were the chances.
Ash:Yes, totally good.
Although I wasn’t sure it was good, knowing I would be in such proximity to Max.
Hot Doc:Can’t wait to see you.
Ash:Me too.
That was a lie.
CHAPTER 54
Max
We stepped off the plane and didn’t talk to each other. She didn’t even acknowledge me once by glancing in my direction. This lasted all the way from the plane to the baggage section. My bag arrived quickly, hers did not. But when she saw me there, still waiting for her, she told me not to wait. So I left her and walked out of the gates.
My eyes were immediately drawn to four people holding a sign.
