I loved her too much to see her unhappy. And if this guy was going to make her happy, then I needed to step away. And he seemed like the perfect guy for her. Not like me. This guy was a smooth ride in a luxurySUV. We had been like a rally car, tearing around, turning sharp corners, making our heads spin.
I put my hands over my face and felt like squeezing my head off. I needed to get her out of my mind. At least I didn’t have to worry about her tonight. That guy was too much of a gentleman to let anything happen to her.
Handsome, nice Dr McNiceguy.
You need to let her go. You need to let her go.The thought repeated over and over again.
What I really needed was a fucking distraction.I needed to get her off my mind in some way. Any way. If I carried on thinking about her and Dr McNiceguy downstairs, or her and what was probably going to happen later tonight with Dr McNiceguy, I was going to drive myself insane. If I carried on like this, I was afraid of self-combusting, blowing myself to little pieces and then never being able to put myself back together again. So I turned to the only distraction I could think of, the only one that I’d used in the last thirteen years. I picked my phone up and sent a message.
Max:Hey, what you doing tonight?
Bianca:So weird, I was just thinking about you.
Max:What a coincidence, I was thinking about you too.
Bianca:And what exactly where you thinking about?
I was about to type something filthy about our naked bodies when—
“Fuck!” I dropped my phone on my desk and walked away from it.What the hell was I doing?I turned and looked back at the glowing screen and folded my arms in defiance of it. I couldn’t do this. Not anymore. Not since Ash. Being with her had changed everything, had changed me, and there was no way I would ever be able to go back to the way I was, even if she and I were never together again. I walked back to the phone and started typing again.
Max:I have a confession to make . . .
Bianca:What?
She clearly thought this was still part of the flirtation.
Max:I’ve fallen in love with someone.
Bianca:What?
Max:Well, I’ve actually realized that it’s more like I’ve always been in love with them.
Bianca:I’m kind of confused here???
Max:What I’m trying to say is that I’m not going to sleep with you tonight. Or any night. And I’m sorry that I messaged you like this. It was wrong of me.
Bianca:WTF, Max!
Max:Bianca, you’re gorgeous and funny and smart and a serious catch.
Bianca:Are you drunk or something?
Max:No. I’m sober. More sober than I think I’ve ever been.
Bianca:I’m seriously still confused here.
Max:Let me unconfuse you. I’m no good for you. You deserve to find someone that will love you the way you deserve to be loved and then love them back as hard as you can! It’s taken me thirteen years to figure this out, and this is going to sound cheesy as hell, but it’s about love, Bianca. It’s all about love. That’s the thing that really matters. It might be the only thing that matters.
Bianca:I can’t figure out if that is the weirdest thing anyone has ever said to me, or the nicest thing?
Max:Well, I was going for the latter.
Bianca:Well then, I guess, thanks . . . ?
Max:Take care, Bianca.
I put my phone back down on my desk. It felt very final. It was. I was putting that part of my life away as well.
