Melusi:We’ve all taken a vote, and we all agree that you need to have sex with this guy.
Russ:Even I think you should have sex with him.
Ash:Guys! I am not having sex with him.
Melusi:Marcel agrees!
Ash:Of course you’ve told Marcel already!
Melusi:I think it’s a sign from the universe or something like that.
Ash:What is?
Melusi:Think about it. What are the chances of hearing two stories about him while sitting at a restaurant under his office?
Yo:Not to mention he’s from abroad. Like we were saying earlier!
Ash:Nope! I’m turning my phone off now. I have an early morning meeting and I need to sleep off Santa’s Little Helper. Love you all, butNO. I am not having sex with this mysterious man who may or may not own llamas!
Yo:I think it’s hot he owns llamas.
Ash:We don’t even know if he owns llamas.
Charlie:They make excellent watchdogs, like geese.
Sarah:Don’t they spit at you?
Frank:That’s right! They do. They fucking spit.
Melusi:Hahah!
Russ:Lol
Charlie:Beware! The guard dog—it spits.
I laughed, despite myself. But I was glad the conversation had moved on from squirting to spitting. I rubbed Petal’s head and she purred next to me.
Sarah:But seriously, have sex with him.
Ash:Guys, those stories are ridiculous. Rumors! Do you really believe them? It’s not possible to come ten times and no one screams that loudly during sex unless they are in a porno.
Frank:Okay, you do have a point there.
Charlie:And I did read an article about squirting actually just being peeing.
Frank:NOOO.
Yo:I need to read that!
Melusi:Stop. Please.
Sarah:I think the most far-fetched thing about the story is the llamas, personally. Apparently, you can do all sorts of things if you practice tantra.
Ash:I’m going, guys. I need my rest. I have Sebastian first thing in the morning, and you know what he’s like before his micro-dosed mushrooms have kicked in.
Russ:You deserve a medal for working with him. The other day he told me to “make the match cuts match like a motherfucker and not feel like jump cuts.”
Ash:Hey, don’t trash talk my work hubby.
