“Since I wanted them to,” Sarah said defiantly.
“Hey, I’m starved. I’m ordering Uber Eats. Who wants what?” Russ stuck his head round the corner and we all immediately threw orders at him. Pizza for Sarah, vegan burger for Yo and a three-cheese pasta for me, obviously. His head disappeared round the corner once more.
“Let’s get back to the sex,” Yo said quickly.
“Yes!” I agreed. “And no one faints after it either, for the record,” I countered.
“Not according to Google, again.” Sarah’s smile had grown once more.
“You mean Reddit?” I said sarcastically.
“Nope, this time I mean a scientific journal I read that said it was very possible, and also quite common, to faint after orgasm due to hyperventilating.”
“That actually makes sense,” Yo said.
“So you honestly believe there is a guy out there called Maximillian Adam who lives in an off-grid mansion in Noordhoek, who keeps llamas, and who is basically God’s sexual gift to women on earth, who can conjure up a fainting, screaming orgasm just by breathing on them?”
“I’m more inclined to believe that than him actually owning llamas,” Sarah replied.
I shook my head. “What’s with you and these llamas?”
“Allegedllamas,” she quickly added. “But given all this information—or ‘discovery’, to use a more legal term—I think if anyone can break your sex curse and get you out of the rut, it’s Maximillian Adam.”
“Not according to the psychic,” Yo jumped in quickly. She was a big believer in the curse as an actual supernatural thing. And sometimes we spoke about “The Curse” like that, as if it was some powerful, supernatural thing that had been invisibly placed on me against my will. But most of us also didn’t quite believe that either. When it really came down to it, we didn’t really believe in the supernatural world of sex hexes . . . did we?
“Do we really all believe it’s a curse? An actual magic-wand kind of curse?” I asked.
“I do!” Yo said quickly.
“I mean, normally, I don’t believe in things like that, but . . .” Sarah started, and then stopped. “Itisreally weird, though. And you can’t be that unlucky, can you? And the psychic did say—”
“That psychic was terrible, though,” I said.
“But she got itallright,” Yo replied. “Okay, so not with everyone, but with you it was spot on. Face it, you were cursed. And you’ve been trying to break it for the last thirteen years. But instead of a wand a dick was used!”
We all burst out laughing.
“What’s got you all cackling like witches?” Russ stuck his head around the door again.
“Magical cocks!” Yo said quickly, and Russ looked somewhat perplexed. Or was that repulsed?
“I think I’ll stay out of this one.” His head disappeared round the corner again.
I stopped laughing and thought about it. If I hadn’t been cursed, then what was the cause of my disastrous sex life? The answer to that question was of course that the problem actually lay with me . . .didn’t it?
“Well, it’s not like going back to the source is ever going to happen,” I said. “No one has seen or heard from Logan in forever.” I hated saying his name out loud. It always had a physical effect on me. Even now.
“Nope. Casper the ghost,” Sarah agreed.
“Last bloody thing I ever heard was that he was on holiday with his uncle in Scotland and then disappeared into Europe, never to be seen or heard from again,” I said. There was still some anger and bitterness in my tone, despite the time that had lapsed.
“No, I think Maximillian’s your guy,” Yo reiterated.
“And how do you propose I have sex with him? Drop him an email and say, ‘Hi, how are you? Want to have sex with me?’ ”
“Personally, I’d take a more subtle approach, but I guess your way would probably work too,” Yo replied, sounding amused.
My phone lit up on the table next to me and Petal looked at it in horror.
