She hesitated, her expression visibly scrunching into a very familiar look. I’d forgotten how expressive her face was. She always had these large and visceral reactions to things and was never able to hide what she was feeling and thinking . . . which had made that night thirteen years ago so, so, so much worse.I’d known exactly what she’d been thinking.
“There’s a French Camembert in the basket too.” I pointed at the picnic basket. Her hesitation looked as if it might waver, and I had yet another trick up my sleeve.
“It’s from Normandy.” She tried to hide the little light that had switched on in those huge eyes of hers, but I could see it.
“Camembert de Normandie?” she asked.
“Yup. Real Norman cows.”
“When did you become such a cheese connoisseur?” she asked.
“I could ask you the same question,” I replied.
“You tell me first.” She took another sip of her champagne and her eyes met mine. A flipping sensation took place in my chest. I’d forgotten how I used to feel when she looked at me. I ran my hand through my hair quickly, nervously.
Not entirely true.
I hadn’t really forgotten; I’d just tried really hard to forget.
“In Italy. My love of cheese. That’s where it first started,” I said quickly, trying to forget again.
“So you were in Italy, then?” Her tone was icy.
“And Germany, Holland and then Greece obviously.”
“Sounds like you had quite a lot of fun.” Her sharp words came at me like daggers.
“Not really,” I said empathically, and we looked at each other for a while again. There was so much between us. Thirteen years of unspoken words piled between us like Everest. But tonight did not feel like the right time to try to summit that beast of a mountain. I could see she was tired—I was tired—and we both needed to eat.
“I’m starting to feel like I could eat my own arm,” I said, trying to lighten the mood and steer the conversation back towards the more mundane.
She accepted the offering and nodded. “Me too.”
“Let’s just sit and eat,” I appealed to her, and moved towards the picnic blanket. She let out a loud, resigned sigh. “Forget the fairy lights and the . . .” I craned to listen. “Are they playing Marvin Gaye?”
She nodded. “ ‘Let’s Get It On,’ to be exact.”
“They really are pushing the romance,” I said, amused because that was probably the last song I would play if I was trying to conjure up romance.
“Fine, I’ll sit, and I’ll eat, but don’t think this means I’m not still angry you concealed your identity from me. And for the record, just because there are candles and petals and Marvin Gaye, there is nothing, and I meannothing, romantic about this. At all! Ever.”
“I wouldn’t dream of assuming that,” I said with a smile, and then gestured for her to join me.
CHAPTER 17
Ash
I took another sip of champagne as I walked onto the boulder where Logan . . . Max, whoever was standing next to the picnic blankets that had been spread out over the rock. The blankets were scattered with large pillows. I lowered myself to the blanket, but didn’t dare lean back on the pillows. I wasn’t feeling that comfortable. Slouching on a picnic blanket with my ex-boyfriend felt too intimate and strange. I stuck my hand into the ice bucket and pulled out an ice cube. I put one against my neck, running it up and down and then moved it down my chest before it melted completely.
“It is beautiful here, though,” I admitted, and looked up. The sky was so clear you could see the stars clumped together to form the giant arm of the Milky Way, which stretched from one side of the sky to the other like a rainbow.
“Very beautiful,” he said, and something in his voice made something deep in my stomach stir. I didn’t like it. I reached for another ice cube and ran it over my collarbone. He on the other hand, despite the unbearable heat and awkward situation, seemed to be as cool as a fucking cucumber, and it pissed me off.
“Do you not sweat or something?” I blurted, and he laughed.
“What do you mean?”
“Look at you.” I gestured towards him. “You’re sitting there looking all cool and chilled, as if none of this bothers you. The heat. And me. Us. This. How is it that you look so relaxed?”
