“Well, how else do you want me to make it, Lo—Max—God, this is so confusing—Max! If you’re happy after everything that happened, then clearly you’ve suffered zero consequences following our ‘break-up,’ unlike me. So no, I’m not happy.”
“Well, I’m not taking it back. I am happy to see you and I am happy that you’re also doing so well.”
“Really?”
“And I’m seriously impressed too. One of South Africa’s most sought-after cinematographers, multi-award-winning no less. I’m proud of you.”
“I don’t need you to be proud of me,” I said quickly, irritated by his admission.
He smiled. “I know, but I am. I’m glad your life is going so well and—”
“You know nothing about my life,” I snapped, cutting him off quickly. “You don’t know me anymore and I certainly don’t know you. God, I have no idea how to feel about all of this. It’s so, so . . .” I searched for a better word, but all that came was . . . “Weird! It’s weird that you’re here, it’s weird that you have another name, it’s weird that you look like that”—God, why do you have to look like that—“and it’s weird that none of this seems to be fazing you at all. In fact, it’s almost like you’re enjoying it.” I felt compelled to stand up. “I can’t do this, Lo . . .Max!Max. For heaven’s sake.” I took a deep breath to try to calm my nerves. “I can’t sit here anymore. I’m going to my room!” I announced, and started walking off. But then, as if by some kind of magic, so quickly it was almost impossible, he was next to me. He reached out and his fingertips brushed my arm. I came to a complete stop and looked down at them. A feeling rose in me. A feeling I did not want rising. I shrugged my arm away and he stepped back.
“Sorry,” he said, backing away. “I get it. I had two days to prepare myself to see you. You need some time.”
“I think I need more than time.” I started walking away again.
“What about the cheese?” he called after me. I stopped. I was embarrassed to admit that this did give me pause. In fact, it gave me more than pause.
I turned and ran back onto the boulder. Not daring to look at him, I grabbed the cheese and then made a dash for my room, almost tripping over my feet as I went.
CHAPTER 18
Max
She grabbed the cheese, tucked it under her arm defiantly, and then jumped off the rock before making her speedy escape. On her hurried way down the path, she pulled her shorts down a few times because they kept creeping up—something that definitely did not go unnoticed by me. She craned her neck round like an ostrich and glared at me.
“Shit,” I mumbled, and then sat back down on the rock and poured myself a glass of champagne. I drank it as I stared at the villa, waiting and watching for her light to come on upstairs. When it did, I saw her silhouette for a few moments before she rushed up to the balcony, stuck her head through the door, glanced in my direction briefly and closed the curtains with a dramatic flourish. Her silhouette disappeared.
“Shiiit!” I moaned, and then lay back down and looked up at the stars. I was slipping into some serious trouble here. Maybe I’d already slipped and was firmly in the “serious trouble” already. I was shocked, but maybe not totally surprised, by how quickly the slipping had happened. From the moment I’d heard her name, the moment I’d seen herIDphoto, to the moment I’d walked across the tarmac and stood in front of her.Slipping, slipping, slipping . . . slipped!
She had been back in my life for all of three days, but I could feel the resolve of the last thirteen years crumbling in front of me, and it felt as if I had zero control over the crumbling. Every second I spent in close proximity to her seemed to erase an entire year spent away from her, until it felt like I was almost right back at the very beginning. The more time I spent with her, the more I remembered why I’d been so in love with her in the first place. And when she’d run that ice cube up and down her neck and chest, I remembered why I still considered her the sexiest woman alive.
I’d tried so hard to extinguish my feelings for her by pouring all I could over the raging flames, but clearly there had been some unseen ember silently simmering away that had now set everything ablaze again. And I was sure the fire had only just began. Yup, I was slipping once again, like I’d slipped all those years ago. I still remembered the day we met with the kind of crystal-clear clarity that is only reserved for the most important moments of a person’s life. The day had been cold, windy and drizzling, there was this loud, repetitive car alarm blaring in the distance and a smell of antiseptic floor wash hung in the air, not exactly designed for romance, but romance had definitely happened.
I’d just turned fifteen, tall and pimply, silver braces across my teeth, and I’d transferred in from another school. I was late for my first class and had my nose in a book where the lady from the office had quickly scribbled a map of the school, so when Ash came round the corner unexpectedly, I’d crashed into her. She’d wobbled and looked like she was about to topple over, so I reached out and grabbed her wrist. I’d stopped her from falling, but I’d started another kind of falling entirely.
The second my fingers had come into contact with her body, a feeling hit me from all sides, all at once. From the inside as well, as if the entire universe was made up of one thing and one thing alone,the feeling.It was all-consuming; it had a sound, a taste, a physical sensation to it. We didn’t say a word to each other. Instead, we’d just stayed there like that, me holding on to her arm, just looking at each other, as if we were seeing for the first time ever. She was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen in my life and I had not been able to tear my eyes away from her. I don’t know how long the moment had lasted, maybe only a second, but it had felt like decades. In that one moment, it felt as if I’d lived an entire lifetime with this person. We’d let go of each other eventually, but then struggled to walk away. And when we did, we’d kept glancing back at each other, and then she’d smiled at me and I knew that my life would never be the same again.
That small moment turned out to be the biggest of my life, perhaps it still was—well, apart from when it had ended four years after we’d met.
I was exhausted when I woke up the next day, I’d tossed and turned all night, thoughts of Ash running through my mind. Staring at the ceiling for hours, me mentally playing out every single “what if” scenario I could think of.What if I hadn’t left? What if I’d come back after six months? A year? What if I hadn’t been that nervous boy who’d known nothing about his own body, let alone the body of a woman and fucked it all up like that? What if I hadn’t plugged in her phone that night . . .
I dragged myself out of bed and made the strongest cup of coffee I could before pulling my phone out and sending off a message to a close friend of mine, also a client. In fact, he’d been one of the first people to hire one of my locations for a very high-profile stills shoot, and had then encouraged me to begin my business. He’d supported me from day one. I’d kept him in the loop about Ash, since he’d also been there for me all those years ago when I’d been a broken-hearted boy.
Max:Hey.
Max:So things here, with her, are actually worse than I could have ever imagined.
Vincenzo:Sorry to hear it, my friend.
Max:She can barely look at me.
Vincenzo:Maybe she needs a bit of time. It’s a shock.
Max:Maybe. I just wish there was something I could say or do to make it better between us.
Vincenzo:Have you spoken about everything that happened?
