“She’s in and out of reality, but the doctor has warned that at some point she will completely lose touch and will have no more lucid moments.”
“That’s awful. What do you do when she’s not lucid?”
“The doctors told me to play along with whatever delusion she’s having, so I do.”
“Have you considered putting her into a place where—”
“No.” He cut me off adamantly. “I don’t want to put her in a home, so I’ll be here for the foreseeable future.”
“Sounds like you don’t really like it here?”
“Not at all. I actually love where I live, I’m really enjoying work and I see a lot of other business opportunities I think I want to get involved in.”
“Like what?”
“Well, as you know, tourism is booming here. I think I can create something very appealing for my exiting international market. I’ve seen a house in Camps Bay I’m thinking of buying, staffing up and then renting out to clients. I’ve also seen one in the winelands.”
“Camps Bay and the winelands! You must have made some money over the years.”
He smiled. “I’ve worked hard. You live in Camps Bay too, though.”
“Not the part that only foreign money can afford. I’m further up the hill. A little way back from the mansions.”
“So tell me more about cinematography. I only know a little. I know more about directing. Did you not want to do that?”
I smiled; this was one of my all-time favorite topics. “I sort of realized pretty quickly that being a director has less to do with actually shooting film, and more to do with managing actors and people. And I didn’t want that—I just wanted to focus on the pictures. I’m the one who gets to really look at things and find the beauty in it all, and then figure out how to translate that to the film. That’s much more rewarding and interesting to me than the actual performance, although you could say that the light is also a performer, and that’s the one I like working with.”
“And Sebastian, I’ve heard such weird stories about him. What’s it like working with him?”
“It’s actually great—I get him. And I wouldn’t be where I am if it wasn’t for him. He sort of discovered me when I was only twenty-five and saw something in me that I didn’t even know was there. And he’s ‘latched on to me like a marsupial’, as he says, and refuses to work with anyone else.”
“Wise choice he made there.”
“He lets me do what I want, too. Even this trip, usually a director would come to this, but he wants me to go out and ‘find the magic’ without him influencing me. He really trusts me. I’m lucky—it’s basically a dream job.”
“I’m sure he’s lucky too.”
“He is, and he does tell me that, in his own special way. He’s a total genius, and I guess that comes with a little crazy too.”
And so we carried on talking like this. Sharing stories from our lives with each other, things we had missed out on in the last thirteen years. I told him all about my life, my friends. And the more we talked, the more I relaxed into it. We laughed like old times, and the conversation flowed again. I was so glad we’d packed the weird sex thing away and were back to being, well, what we were: exes with a history who were catching up now like old friends.
But friends who also found each other incredibly attractive and who had a sexual chemistry that bubbled under the surface. Even now when there was nothing sexual about the moment, it was still there. Like a soft whisper in the distance that you could almost hear.
CHAPTER 41
Max
We landed at the Lilongwe Airport, ready to transfer to Lake Malawi, the last stop on the trip. I was excited to see the lake. I’d never been there before, but the pictures were incredible. Despite being a lake, it looked like a tropical beach. Clear blue waters, tropical fish, white sands and snorkeling. Since last night with Ash, we’d spent hours and hours talking as if no time had elapsed between us at all. The entire night three words had been bubbling up inside me. I’d felt them there on several occasions before that, when I’d kissed her goodnight, when I’d watched her sleeping on the jet, when I’d watched her come, but now they’d really come all the way up to the surface and it felt painful to hold them back.
I love you.
Plain and simple. I loved her. I was in love with her, and I think I always had been. It had become so clear to me last night, watching her talk animatedly about her life and adventures. I wanted so badly to be a part of her life and adventures moving forward. In fact, I couldn’t imagine a life for myself anymore unless she was in it. I watched her as she walked in front of me in the airport. She had a bounce in her step, as if she felt lighter today, or happy about something. God, she was so sexy. Everything about her was sexy, even when she was bending down and scratching her ankle like she was doing now. I was so attracted to her, but I didn’t just want to push her up against something and make her scream my name. I also wanted to hang out and chat with her about utter crap. Be with her, even if we only sat in silence together; and love her.
But then suddenly she was hugging someone.
“No way!” she exclaimed loudly and enthusiastically.
“Fancy running into you here,” the person, a male person, replied, and I knew instantly by the tone of his voice that he liked her. In fact, now I thought about it, Ash’s tone of voice implied something too. Implied a knowing of sorts.How much knowing?
