‘Not your usual wrestling gear, Lizzy!’
‘Shit!’ In a moment of sheer agonising horror, I realised I was still wearing that stupid dress. And with my legs splayed and one of them wrapped around him, he could see right up it. This wasexactlywhy I didn’t wear dresses. You never knew when you’d need to throw down and wrestle someone who brought out your homicidal tendencies. And Cam did that in abundance.
‘Stop looking, asshole!’ I said, and tried to manoeuvre him into a new submission. But before I could lock it in, he slipped free and in one move had me pinned in an armlock.
I winced at the pain, a pain I knew well. Cam and I had been sparring partners for two years, but that also meant I knew his weaknesses.
‘I don’t want to hurt you, Lizzy,’ he said calmly.
‘Well, that sentiment is not mutual, because I would really,reallylike to hurt you.’
‘How?’ He brought his face all the way to mine again, and for a moment I thought of headbutting him, but I knew how painful that was for the giver as well as the receiver.
‘Face it, Lizzy, I’ve got you.’
‘Never!’
He leaned even closer now, so close I could feel his breath on the side of my face. ‘Just make this easier on both of us and tap out.’
‘Over my dead body!’
Cam let out another laugh, low and rich, and my eyes – traitorous things that they were – drifted down to his lips. Suddenly the room around us fell eerily silent, and all I could hear was the sound of our breathing. We were both panting, and my heart was thundering in my ears, I could feel my pulse banging against my temples. For a second – and I hated my brain for allowing it to happen – I flashed back to the last time Cam was on top of me like this. Except then we’d been naked and the fast-beating hearts and panting hadnotbeen from wrestling. Something flickered in his eyes, softening them momentarily, and I felt his grip on me loosen ever so slightly.
I seized the opportunity and twisted my hip. The move sent pain shooting through me, but it worked. I arched upwards just enough to create a small gap between us, then pulled my arm free and managed to get out from under him, but that still wasn’t enough. I climbed onto his back, and with all my strength slipped my arm around his neck and trapped his head.
‘What were you saying about me tapping out?’ I asked.
Cam made some loud grunting sounds.
‘Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t quite catch that,’ I said gleefully. ‘Maybe speak up, I can’t quite hear you.’
He made another noise, so I pulled harder. ‘Did I hear you say something?’ I knew he had no way out of this. That was the thing about ju-jitsu: even if a person was stronger than you, if you got them into a certain hold and submission, there was no escape. I decided to remind him of that, in case he’d forgotten. I squeezed even harder.
‘Only one way to end this. Tap out!’ If he didn’t do it soon, with all the blood circulation cut off to his head, courtesy of my arm, it was only a matter of fifteen seconds or so until he was rendered fully unconscious. I held my breath, waiting. He was going to tap out, wasn’t he?
‘Cam! Tap out!’ I shook him, trying to shake sense into him. He’d better not be calling my bluff.
Not again.
Back in the days when I’d been in love with this man – God,in love– I’d fallen for it every single time. I’d trap him, have him completely locked in, and then . . . I’d let him go. Every single time. And every time, he’d spring back up, pin me down and smirk, ‘See? You do love me.’ I’d always told him to fuck off, but what I’d really wanted to say wasFuck me, and then tell me you love me too.
Pathetic!
But this wasn’t that. This wasn’t us then. This was us now, and right now, I hated the man I was squeezing the air out of. And he knew that. He knew I wouldn’t let him go this time.
Or would I?
Of course I wouldn’t. This man had cheated me out of the one thing I’d wanted more than anything. I would hold on until he passed out and then make a run for it while he was dead to the world. He’d simply wake up twenty seconds later, feeling a little disorientated but otherwise totally fine. No harm done really. No harm at all, he would be totally fine . . .
‘Cam!’ I was counting down the seconds in my head.Seven, six . . .
‘Cam, tap out!’ I yelled into his ear.Five, four, three . . .
‘Fuck!’ I released him, but he didn’t move. He just lay there completely still. I prodded him with my finger, once, twice, but nothing.
Panic gripped me. ‘Shit!’ Maybe all the adrenaline flooding my veins had caused me to misinterpret the situation. Maybe he’d already passed out. Maybe I’d underestimated the force I’d used. Maybe he had developed some health problem I didn’t know about. Maybe, maybe . . .
I was straddling his back, trying to catch my breath, but when he still hadn’t moved at all, something cold and heavy dropped into the pit of my stomach.
