Kate’s heart dipped with a bone-deep confusion she did not begin to understand.
Of course, she could hear Eli’s voice in every syllable, and the feeling that moved through her was complicated.
The message itself—your body has value, respect yourself, you are more than what happened to you—was everything Kate wanted her daughter to hear. It was the right message. The perfect message.
“That’s a beautiful way to think about it,” Kate said, and meant it. “What Eli told you about respecting your body and knowing your worth—that’s important, Emma. Really important.”
Emma’s eyes narrowed slightly. “I feel abutcoming on.”
Kate put her glasses back on. “Nope. I just want to make sure you’re reading that with a critical eye. The Bible is an ancient text. Some of it is historical, some of it is poetry, some of it was made up thousands of years ago by people with an agenda. You should not?—”
“Mom.” Emma sat up. “I’m not joining a cult. I’m reading a book.”
Not any book, Kate thought. Not a science textbook or a carefully crafted book about a girl’s value. TheBible.
“I know,” she said simply. “I’m just…surprised.”
“Why? I’m seventeen. I can read a book that a really nice old man gave me because it’s connected to Grandpa Artie’s scholarship. And Eli said things that made me feel better than anything anyone has said to me since this whole nightmare started. I wanted to understand where he was coming from, is all.”
But was it all? Kate considered that from every angle, turning each word in her mind.
Her daughter, who had barely spoken for a week after “it” had happened, who had curled into herself on a bathroom floor in Ithaca, who had shown up at Kate’s door at eleven o’clock at night—that girl was sitting up in bed with light in her eyes because of something Eli Lawson said to her on a boat.
How could she argue with that?
She couldn’t. And yet…shehadto.
“What else did he talk about?” Kate asked.
“Just, you know.”
“Actually, I don’t, Emma. He and I haven’t discussed what you talked about because it’s private.”
“Itisprivate, except you don’t like his source material.”
Kate winced, the truth hitting her along with the keen intelligence of her daughter. Too intelligent for…her gaze shifted to the book between them. Much too intelligent forthat.
Emma tucked her legs underneath her, sitting up fully now. “He told me about the plumb line—you know, the architecture thing? How God is like this standard that doesn’t move, even when everything else is shifting. I liked that.”
“The architecture metaphor is very Eli,” Kate said with a small smile she couldn’t help.
“He’s easy to talk to. He doesn’t lecture or yell or remind me that I’m a child. He doesn’t make me feel stupid.” The unspoken comparison to Jeffrey hung in the air, loud and clear. “He just…listens and then says something that actually helps. I don’t know how he does that.”
“It’s one of his gifts.”One of many, Kate reluctantly acknowledged in her heart.
“Yeah, and I think his beliefs are part of it. Like, his whole God thing isn’t separate from the way he is. It’s why he’s like that.” Emma looked at her mother steadily. “I don’t think that’s a bad thing, Mom.”
Kate felt something shift in her chest. “I don’t think it’s a bad thing that Eli has faith. I’ve never said that.”
“But you don’t want me to have it. And you don’t want it. Do you?”
No, she did not. Kate opened her mouth and closed it again, because the honest answer was complicated and the simple answer was unkind and the middle ground didn’t exist.
“What I want,” she said slowly, “is for you to think for yourself. To examine evidence and look at the world from a broader perspective. What makes that religion right?” She gestured to the book. “Why not Hinduism or Jainism or Taoism? Why not Judaism or…or nothing? You need to learn it all andnot just accept things just because someone you admire tells you they’re true.”
Emma sighed. “Isn’t that exactly what I’m doing right now? Reading and thinking about it?”
Kate had no rebuttal for that.
