‘Hi,’ he smiles, when we come up for air.
‘Hi,’ I laugh, shaking my head.
‘What?’
‘I just didn’t see it coming,’ I answer, tracing a finger round his stubbled jaw.
‘Didn’t I make it obvious?’
‘Not to me; I couldn’t see past all this,’ I say, gesturing to his suit.
‘Surely a bookseller should know not to judge a book by its cover!’ he jokes, leading me away from the others to a quieter part of the train.
‘Good point,’ I giggle. He kisses me again as we stand on the tiny balcony at the end of the carriage, the moonlit countryside rushing past. ‘But there must be a reason for the façade?’
‘I guess for a long time I’ve been a bit afraid of showing the real me.’
I cock my head to the side, looking for more.
‘My biological parents left me. My adoptive dad hasn’t been around much. From an early age I’ve had a strong feeling that I need to be a provider. With my dad being away a lot, I needed to watch out for my mum. I felt I had to build something for meandfor her. When I left university, I wanted to work in something book related, but competition was fierce and I needed a job so I took one in events. Since then I’ve been on a ladder, married to my work, losing sight of my passions, becoming a bit of a clone. But when I heard you describing how passionate you are about having your own bookshop, it awoke something in me. I envied your authenticity, craved my own. And if I’m completely honest, I guess I felt awkward around you because of it. In the end, I knew something had to give.
‘But then Georgia offered me a promotion and I got scared. Keep hiding and pursue the career and money,or take a plunge and pursue the passion and the girl. It’s why I’ve been so erratic – that and the stress.’
‘And? What did you decide?’
He sighs. ‘I had a long chat with my dad at King’s Cross. He apologised for being so absent over the years, told me that much of who he is stems from insecurity around his mother, and the thing with your mum. He said he’s been unable to build solid relationships, and that he’s created defences by travelling and drinking, which has only made the problem worse. He said he wants to make things better between us, with Mum too, if he can.’
‘That’s great,’ I smile.
‘Anyway, I figured if I don’t want to grow bitter and resentful, if I’m going to win the girl, unlike my father, I need to embrace the whole of me, show her who I really am. Not be bound by my own insecurities that keep me from what I want, like I was last night at the café.’
‘And who is that?’
‘The guy who loves romance, who wants to work in Edinburgh, not London, in community book events, not high-end events, and bring literature to all.’
‘You know what would be a great way of putting on community book events?’
‘Tell me,’ he smiles.
‘By working with me at the bookshop.’
‘Seriously?’
‘Do you want the promotion at work?’
He scrunches up his nose. ‘Not if there’s Edinburgh and books, and you.’
‘Georgia told me how great you are at events and marketing. We’d be the perfect team. Create the destination community bookshop I’ve always dreamed it could be. There wouldn’t be much money in it, but you could live in Mum and Dad’s apartment while they’re away so you wouldn’t have costs and we could build the shop together. We can bring the bookshop back to life.’
‘But you’ve only just met me. Are you sure this is what you want, Carly?’ he says, his eyes earnest.
I shrug. The train arrives at the station, a full moon over the castle.
‘Elsa told me to open my heart, to see who I might let in,’ I say, taking his hand in mine. ‘I figure it’s time I did.’
36.
ELSA
