“I…I overreacted. I’m…I’ll be fine,” I tell him, clutching at his hand and turning it to kiss that rough palm. Because I have to be fine with whatever I choose. And I don’t know if I can choose a future with him. Not after everything I’ve been through. My parents owe me for what they put me through. I’ve earned it with my blood and tears. Can I give it all up? For him?
Caleb’s thumbs rub over my cheeks. “Okay.”
He doesn’t sound convinced. Not that I expect him to. I’m a liar in the worst way. Selfish, thoughtless.
He willneverforgive me once this is over.
My eyes water, and Caleb’s face crumples as he pulls me into his chest and holds me.
I should never have let him be my roommate. I should have let him go about his life, never knowing me. It would have been simpler, better. But I was too greedy. Wanted him too much.
And now look what I’ve done.
I’m set to ruin him.
I need to pull away before I do more damage. I need to end this.
Soon, I tell myself. Just one more day.
Let me have one more day.
My attempts to keep Caleb at arm’s length only go so far. He stares at me like a wounded puppy, his eyes sad, his bottom lip pulled between his teeth. I try to remain cold and aloof, but it’s hard when he looks at me like that.
I find myself spending far too much time outside the apartment, trying to give us both some breathing room. I walk through the park, along the streets, and even head to the outdoor mall and meander through the shops.
It’s there that I wander into a jewelry store—knowing I can never have what I want, but tempted to pretend.
“Can I help you?” a distinguished man asks from behind a glass counter.
I peer over at him and freeze, unsure if pretending is good for my mental health, but knowing that hope is the only thing that’s keeping me from crumbling.
My feet unstick from the ground and move toward him.
“I’d like to buy a ring. For my fiancé.”
Those words, the way my lungs balloon in my chest.
“Ah, you’ll find them over here…” the man says before I stop him with a shake of my head.
“It’s for another man.”
Those words, a public admission to someone I don’t know.
He stops, eyes me, and then gives me a soft nod. “Of course. Right this way.”
I follow, my eyes skimming the rings, my heart pattering violently in my chest. I shouldn’t.
And yet, when I see it, I do. I can picture it perfectly on his finger, a symbol of him wearing a part of me.
It’s tucked into my pocket on the way home like a dirty secret.
It makes something inside of me twist. It’s painful, awful. I don’t enjoy hiding him. I want to live in the light,but still,I tuck that ring away where no one can find it, burying it along with the hope of my future.
“Come with me to the meetup. It’s Friendsgiving, babe,” Caleb says, pulling a shirt on and walking toward me as soon as I’ve sat down for the evening. Even though I have no intention of moving, I can’t help but stare at him as he walks toward me.
He’s a vision.
“I don’t want to socialize,” I mutter, and Caleb sighs.
