My throat works as he leans forward and kisses me softly, a brush of his lips, a promise.
“Yeah,” he says, shrugging on his jacket and tugging his hat low on his head.
Like he’s hiding.
I don’t like that. Not when he’s so open, when that’s his natural inclination. But I understand this need. I’ve spent my entire life folded in on myself. I can’t fault him for doing the same right now.
My hand slips through his, and I lead him to the car, opening the door for him and letting him slide inside.
I drive us twenty minutes into town, where his mom was laid to rest. Aunt Del told me where to go so I didn’t have to ask him, so it would all be seamless. I know this is hard for him. He doesn’t go as often as he probably should.
When I park the car, I look over at Caleb and see him running a hand down his face.
“Why is this so hard?” he murmurs.
“I don’t know what to say. I’ve never been faced with the loss of someone I loved. But I know that if we love someone deeply, we can never really lose them. They become a part of us even though they might not be here in body.”
I say this to myself as well. Because I know loss is something inevitable.
It’s going to happen sooner rather than later.
He swipes at his wet eyes and swallows. “Yeah. A part of me. I like that.” His voice breaks as he looks out the window.
“I’m so sorry for your loss,” I murmur, and he blinks rapidly, making my chest ache for him. What must it be like to love someone so much only to lose them?
It seems I may find out very soon.
“We should go.”
I step up next to him and thread my fingers through his. He squeezes it gently and lets me pull him down the gravel path and up through some overgrown weeds before stopping at a simple marble stone.
Arabella Lee van Beek
“She was just forty,” he tells me. I see the state of her headstone and bend down, cleaning the debris away. I’ll make sure this plot is looked after from now on.
Caleb will never have to come here and find it like this.
He inhales deeply, and I peer up at him, his eyes shimmering.
But I don’t move, unsure of what he needs in this moment, so I just take the flowers I brought and set them right below her headstone.
Aunt Del showed me a picture of Arabella earlier. They look so much alike. The eyes, the hair. I can see the resemblance so clearly now. I close my eyes and pull the image up before staring at her headstone once more.
“Nice to meet you, Ms. van Beek. I’m Whit.”
Caleb exhales shakily behind me.
I roll my lips between my teeth and continue.
“Your son is amazing. You’d be proud.” I drag my fingers across her name, a handshake of sorts.
“Whit,” Caleb whispers, his voice breaking. I look up at him and then stand, pulling him against my chest. He clutches me, his fingers twisting into my sweater.
“She would have loved you,” he whispers.
“I’m sure I would have loved her, too. She made you, didn’t she?”
He sniffles loudly, tears wetting my skin. “Thank you. For coming here. For the flowers.”
