And now I’m walking toward that once more.
My hands tremble slightly, but I close them into fists, so no one notices.
Guests greet me as I pass, congratulating me on the engagement. All I can do is nod, keeping my face impassive. My eyes swivel around the grand space, catching sight of Emily and my mother on the far side of the room.
They look as they always do.
My mother drunk.
Emily resigned.
Our eyes meet, and Emily gives me a soft nod. She knows everything that will unfold, everything I have planned, and yet has said nothing.
I appreciate her care in this situation. I only hope she can find the same freedom one day.
“Mama,” I say when I step in front of her. Her eyes are glassy, her cheeks flushed.
“Whit.”
I lean down and press a kiss to her cheek. She smells like whiskey and perfume. I hate the smell.
I just want to go back to the scent of Caleb. Of pine and soap. Of everything pure and bright.
Holding my breath, I stand up and give a nod to Emily, who hands me a flute of champagne.
“You look nervous.”
“I am.”
My mother wanders off toward the bar as my father comes up nextto me. He can never leave me alone too long, always hovering, always controlling.
The feel of him touching my shoulder has me shuddering. I quickly drink down the wine, feeling the bubbles burn as I swallow.
“You’re to give your speech now. Then we can eat.”
I don’t look at him as I nod, knowing that it’s time. Time to finally make my way back to him.
Emily and I walk side by side to the front of the room, the music in the background fading to nothing as I take hold of the microphone.
My tongue unsticks from the roof of my mouth and wets my dry lips.
“Thank you all for coming,” I say, my words slightly broken but growing in strength the more I speak. “I know this is an important night for my parents.”
I meet my father’s eyes, feel the derision simmering from him, and find my resolve.
Find my voice.
“Mama ?i Tata, I’m done being something I’m not. I’m not marrying her.”
The room falls silent, a few gasps of shock emanating from the crowd, as Emily turns her gaze up to mine, her eyes wide. She’s a good actress.
“I’m in love with someone else. Another man. I’m gay.”
My father rushes forward, and I know that I only have seconds left before he wrenches the microphone from my hand.
“This engagement is a sham, a bribe for my trust fund, and I won’t be a part of it. I’m giving it up. All of it. You can have your money. I don’t want?—”
His large hand rips the mic from me as he loudly says, “He is nervous. Excuse us.”
