“And you’re…”
He shrugs. “Didn’t we just discuss this? I don’t know what I am. I just know that I like being with you.”
I pull my hands out of my pockets and run a nervous hand along the back of my neck.
“I don’t let people in. Ever.”
“I got that.”
“I never meant to go so far with you, but…it got out of hand. You’re just irresistible. It’s obnoxious, really.”
His brow furrows. “Thanks?”
“When we first met, and you decided to move in, I thought it would be the perfect arrangement. You were straight and someone I’d never be interested in. You were messy and too masculine for my tastes.”
His brows meet at my unrestrained honesty. I’m pretty sure I’m hurting his feelings, but I can’t stop. Not now. I need this out in the open.
“Okay…”
“But then you just…grew on me. And I couldn’t look away.”
I stop and inhale, wondering if I should continue, but then my mouth makes up my mind for me.
“I have issues. My family is one of them. There are other things as well.”
“Like?” he presses, eager to hear more.
“I had a…cold, unconventional upbringing. I spent most of my life struggling with things like my sexuality and the fact that my parents…they didn’t love me. They still don’t.”
He rubs at his chest, his eyes softening. But he says nothing, just lets me speak.
“I don’t know what I’m doing, Caleb. I don’t know what we’re doing. I don’t know how to be your person. I’ve never been anyone’s person.”
“Whit…” he begins, but I shake my head.
“I didn’t want this to get too dark too soon because I know this isn’t serious for you, and this is only the beginning of…whatever this is, but you should know what you’re getting into with me. I’m…hard to get along with, difficult to be around. I know this. I fail to communicate, keep things in too long, and rarely open up. I’m a mess. I look like I have it all together, but inside it’s…chaos. Messy.”
“Whit…” Caleb says, reaching out and tugging me closer. My knees hit the edge of the couch, and his fingers link with mine.
I can’t look away.
“I’m willing to give it a go. I already handed in my straight card for you. What’s a little chaos? I happen to like messy. Have you met my family?”
My eyes flash up to meet his.
“I want you to open up to me, though. Try to at least,” he says, pulling me closer until I’m forced to straddle him.
“How am I supposed to do that?” I whisper as he takes my hand and kisses it softly.
“How about once a day, you tell me something? Something you’re thinking or something you want me to know about you?”
I mull that over. “We can try that.”
“Good.”
Our foreheads meet, and his hand runs through my hair.
“Thank you for telling me all of that.”
