What I believe is irrelevant. I know what must be outputted in these circumstances. I’ve been the dog in this dog and pony show before. Or am I the pony? Probably the dog.
“Good. Please return Private Wong’s weapon,” Theia says, and I hand the rifle back to the now bashful soldier. “Give us the room, Private.”
“I’m sorry, ma’am, I?—”
“Did I ask for an apology? I asked you to leave. Do not waste my time.”
Private Wong scurries out and closes the door gently behind them as Theia looks on with crossed arms and an expression of disgust. The regality I so admired has become foreign to me. It is not intimidating, not as it should be. Instead, an approximation of sadness flows through me. Homesick for a place that was never home.
“New soldiers are always so smug,” she says. “That one needed to be taken down a peg.”
“They all are before they see real service. Enthusiasm and naïveté are sisters, you always said.”
After an awfully pregnant pause, Theia’s posture relaxes. “I do not feel it is necessary to discuss what happened over the past few months, nor the events that preceded it.”
“I agree, ma’am.”
“Excellent. The story we developed was that the surrender of Leader Piccolo went awry and you were quite seriously injured. Only a select few know the truth.”
“May I ask who?”
“Aside from the soldiers who participated in your arrest—Hunter and Mason, Sergeant McDougal, Sergeant Perez, Master Sergeant Perez, Councilor Wolfshield, Councilor York, Councilor Boone, Councilor Lieb, and Councilor De La Rosa. They have promised their discretion.”
Councilor De La Rosa. Delilah is the MidCountry leader. I suppress a smile. The other councilors I remember from my tenure doing reconnaissance, as women I trained with or trained myself. Helen York is an old guard Order member from the Northwest, Ainsley Boone led troops in the Southeast. Noa Lieb masqueraded as a subregion leader here in the Northeast.
But Delilah. She is still alive, and for that I am grateful.
“Why so many?”
Theia sighs. “When we returned, Hunter, Mason, and Private Frank cornered me in my office and demanded your release. When I refused, word got to the sergeants and I was…let’s say convinced…to hold a vote on your fate. The members of my council unanimously voted against execution.”
“But they were okay with torture.”
“I did not explicitly tell them what I would do instead. I believe some of them may have guessed.” She stares at me and nearly smiles. “You’re disappointed.”
“What I did was treason and the punishment for that is execution. As soldiers of the Order, they should have understood. They wanted mercy not for me, but for them, to spare themselves the grief.”
She looks almost proud of me. “That is what I said.”
Of course she did. All my impulses—well, most—come from her training. The grooming that began in the bassinet. I did notspring from her womb, but rather from her brain, like Athena, the war child.
“I never considered your execution, of course. I simply wanted to give you time to return to yourself. Punishment was necessary, but execution would have been a waste of a valuable resource.”
“I am honored you still see me as valuable.”
Theia steps forward. “I never ceased believing in you. Even as your betrayal was revealed to me. Frankly, I was impressed and disappointed in equal measure. What an elaborate, beautifully executed plan it was.”
Beautifully executed, like Lucy. I do not reply.
“I have to ask, and I truly want you to be honest. Do you regret it?”
“No.”
My answer is instant. I have asked myself that question almost every day since I woke up in this room. To regret those months in her presence would be to deny the very beat of my heart.
“I didn’t think you would. No matter how much influence I had on you, it seems you are almost a perfect reflection of your parents.” To be compared to them sounds like a slur, especially the way she says it. “You are most like your mother. Sensible. Practical. A soldier, through and through.”
My parents have barely crossed my mind since finding out their true identities. It should be a relief to know I wasn’t discarded. I was conceived in love and presumably wanted. Ultimately, their image remains blank in my mind, and my feelings about them reflect this.
