Madeline sat down beside the bed and covered Mary’s hand with her own. “I’m sure everything will be fine.”
“I wish the doctor thought so. He’s ordered me to stay in bed until after the baby comes, and sometimes…good heavens…sometimes I think I’m going to go out of my mind. He allows me to take a turn about the room only twice a day, just to keep my legs in working order, and it’s all I can do to keep from bolting out the door to escape and be with Jacob and feel his arms around me. I miss him so much, Madeline, sometimes I think I’m going to disintegrate and crumble into a hundred tiny pieces. And here I am, all alone in this room staring at the same four walls day after day, doing nothing but worrying about having this baby. Oh, I wish he were here with me now.”
A wave of commiseration for what Mary must be feeling coursed through Madeline. Childbirth. So much could go wrong. She squeezed Mary’s hand again. “I’m sure that when you hold your baby in your arms for the first time, all this will be forgotten.”
“You’re probably right.” Mary’s voice brightened a bit, but Madeline knew the girl was still anxious.
“Do you like Nova Scotia?” Mary asked, changing the subject. “Or are you anxious to go home?”
“No, I’m not anxious to go. There’s nothing for me there. My father doesn’t need me. I’m more of a burden than anything. I want very much to make my own way here.”
“What will you do?”
“I’ll be a governess.”
“For Mr. Coates?”
The question lodged like a musket ball in Madeline’s heart. “No, not for Mr. Coates. I know a family from the ship who I think would be pleased to have me work for them. They have four young children and we’re going to see them today.”
“WhynotMr. Coates?”
Madeline stumbled over a few possible replies, none of which would do.
Thankfully, Mary continued talking. “He’s going to need some help soon, I think. I used to help out with the children, but after the baby comes, Jacob and I will move into our own home before the end of the summer. Jacob already has our fields planted.”
“What about Mrs. Dalton?”
“Agnes loves the children, certainly, but she does so many other things, she doesn’t have time to teach them their numbers. And it matters a great deal to Adam to have his children schooled.”
Madeline didn’t know what to say. She supposed there wasn’t really anythingtosay. She had already made up her mind.
“I should hate to think you’ll be leaving us so soon,” Mary said. “You’ve only just arrived, and I like that you’re here with us.”
“Yes, but it was my sister Mr. Coates meant to bring, and if she comes, then I should—”
“Wouldn’t you want to live here with your sister? Were you not close?”
There was that question again.
Madeline didn’t know how to answer it. How could she explain that the problem was more about Adam than it was about Diana, and her feelings were too complex to even understand them herself?
One minute she found Adam cold and unfeeling. The next minute, he was apologizing and talking about shillings in noses, making her feel giddy and nervous when she knew she shouldn’t be feeling anything but a sisterly regard.
Adam belonged to Diana and there was no point in hoping she could ever be with him. Not when she was so certain that Diana would come.
Besides all that, how could Madeline be sure that if she expressed her deepest feelings, the entire household wouldn’t know by sunset?
That would be far too humiliating.
“My leaving has nothing to do with Diana. I’m simply a very independent person.”
Mary smiled. “I guessed that about you. You were very brave to come all the way from England by yourself, and then, to have your hopes dashed.” She shook her head. “In my opinion, Mr. Coates owes you at least a comfortable place to stay as long as you like. None of this was your fault. And don’t be in any hurry to find employment, either. Take your time and be sure to find the right position.”
“I will,” Madeline replied. “But it wasn’t Adam’s fault, either,” she added, wishing afterward that she hadn’t leaped so quickly to his defense.
Mary gazed at her knowingly for a long, agonizing moment before she finally nodded and reached for the cards.
Adam and Madeline started off at a trot through the early morning haze, the thumping of the horses’ hooves mingling pleasantly with the chirping of sharp-tailed sparrows in the leafy sugar maples. Frost covered the ground and glistened like a blanket of tiny diamonds in the sun.
