“What is it?” Madeline stood. “Good Lord, Charlie’s not hurt, is he?”
Adam gazed up at her, his face solemn. “Charlie’s fine. Please, sit down.”
She did as he asked and waited shakily for him to speak.
“God, this is difficult. I don’t know how to say this. I don’twantto say this now of all times, but I must. Madeline, what happened to Diana is not your fault. It is mine.”
She stared blankly at him as a numbness poured through her limbs. “How so?”
A muscle trembled at his jaw and he hesitated before answering. “It is my fault because this afternoon, while you were outside with John, I told Diana that I could not marry her.”
His words struck Madeline like a bucket of cold water in the face. “But…why?”
Adam met her gaze directly. A vein stood out at his temple. Madeline sat across from him in shock, not certain why he was telling her all of this now.
“I couldn’t marry her because I don’t love her, Madeline.”
She stammered in bewilderment, “But you said you did.”
“That was before I knew you.”
“But all along, you wanted her to come. The picture…the letters…”
Adam squeezed her hands. “I know this is the worst time imaginable to have this conversation, but as soon as Diana wakes up, you’re going to hear the truth anyway, and I would rather you hear it from me. She went riding alone because of what happened betweenus.I told her that I could not marry her, because…because I was in love with you.”
For a long time Madeline sat in her chair, immobile, listening only to the sound of her blood pounding in her ears. She stared blankly at Adam.
“You can’t be.”
He bowed his head.
“You can’t possibly love me. I’m nothing.”
“You’re not nothing. You’re everything.”
“No, you’re confused, Adam, because of what happened today.”
“When Diana wakes up,” he said, “she is going to tell you exactly what happened today, and make me out to be a rake and a philanderer. She will loathe and despise me more than ever now, because of the accident, and I cannot blame her for that.
“But you must know that I was searching for you so that I could have the chance to explain my feelings in my own way, and to tell you that I am not a dishonorable man. No matter what she tells you, and no matter what you choose to believe, please know that I have grown to care for you deeply and ardently, Madeline, even though I did my best to fight it.” His blue eyes bored into hers. “Believe me, I felt that a break with Diana was the right thing to do. I had no idea any of this would happen. If I had known, I would have handled things differently, I assure you.”
Adam paused for a moment. He closed his eyes and held them shut before opening them to continue.
“The truth is, when I brought you with me to meet Lord Blackthorne’s ship, I had a letter in my pocket which I intended to send to London, a letter which instructed my solicitor there to halt the proxy marriage or annul it if necessary. I had hoped to prevent Diana from coming, to retract my proposal and make things right so that I would be free to loveyou.”
Madeline’s insides shuddered with an odd mixture of disbelief and despair. She had long dreamed of hearing these words from Adam’s lips, even while she was forcing herself to accept that it would never happen.
Now that it was real she found that she could barely believe it. How could he want dull, stubborn, mousy Madeline over beautiful, bewitching Diana?
“I don’t understand. When did your feelings change, and why didn’t you tell me?”
“They changed very gradually over time, and I didn’t tell you because I was trying to fight it. I didn’t want to fall in love with you. I was engaged to your sister, and by the time I was ready to take steps toward winning your heart, it was too late. Diana stepped off the boat.”
Madeline covered her face with her hands. “I can’t believe this is happening.”
He reached for her hand. “Forgive me, Madeline. I didn’t mean to cause you or Diana pain.”
“But you have, and I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what you want from me.”
