He suddenly felt as if he had bitten off more than he could chew.
Then he saw Clara’s nightgown quiver and knew she was fighting a full-blown sob.
He couldn’t let her cry. Someone would hear. He felt a shameless, shallow need to stop her from crying, only to keep the silence, and an even more shallow need to get out of there as soon as she collected herself.
Something else took over, however. Perhaps it was compassion or affection for Clara. Perhaps it was merely the need to fix the situation. He had no idea.
Before he knew what he was doing, he had crossed the room and was gathering her into his arms. All that mattered to him was her comfort and happiness. Her needs became more important than his own.
His voice was gentle and soothing. “Why did you insist we make love if you weren’t sure?”
She shook her head and whispered, “I couldn’t think about anything except that I wanted you. Now it’s settling in, and I think I’ve just realized the gravity of what we’ve done, and I’m scared. I feel very alone.”
Alone. She felt alone? His heart began to pound.
“But I can’t do anything about it,” she continued, wiping under her nose, “because I can’t turn back the clock.”
He rubbed her shoulders and stroked her hair. “And the fact that you can no longer change your mind about marrying me has spooked you.”
She nodded.
It bloody well spooked him, too, but he knew better than to say it.
“There is nothing to fear, Clara. We’ll be married soon. If we hadn’t done this tonight, we would have done it eventually—on our honeymoon at least, which is only two months away. A mere sliver in time. Do not feel that you are alone.”
But how would he ever prevent her from feeling that way? He was here. He’d just made love to her, and she felt alone. Even though he was holding her in his arms.
Clara nodded, and he relaxed somewhat, knowing he had eased her mind a fraction, at least. Still, the urge to leave lingered, and he wasn’t sure how much of it was a result of the servants’ impending appearance, or the subject matter of this conversation.
Either way, he had to go, and she knew it. At least he had a good reason to slip out. Quickly, he pulled on his waistcoat and jacket while she watched him in silence. “I really do have to go before people are up and about.”
“I know.” She crossed toward him, looking vulnerable and uncertain. Even her voice had changed. It did not hold her usual confidence. “I’m sorry, Seger. Now I feel foolish for the things I said. I wish you didn’t have to leave.”
He gathered her into his arms again. “No need to feel foolish. You did something you hadn’t planned to do tonight. It’s only natural.”
Natural that she would regret what they’d done. Something tightened in his chest, but he tried to ignore it because he didn’t understand it. He’d never felt any self-doubt after making love to a woman. He’d always walked away secure in the knowledge that he had pleased his partner and the session had been a success.
He should walk away now. He wanted to, but he couldn’t seem to do it. He couldn’t leave her like this. “Let’s do it sooner.”
Her eyes were wide with innocence as she blinked up at him. “Do what?”
“Get married, like I said before. I know that’s what started this argument, but you don’t need to make me wait to test me against temptation. Let me marry you and prove that I am completely devoted. If I were not, I would be putting it off. I want you and no one else. That is what lies at the heart of this. It’s why I want to skip the elaborate wedding and keep it simple. We could do it the week after next.”
What the bloody hell was he doing? The more uncertain he became, the faster and deeper he dug the hole.
“Seger, you don’t have to say that to make me feel better.”
“I’m not trying to make you feel better.” But he was, and he knew it. “I just don’t want to wait, it’s as simple as that. Besides, you might be carrying my child.”
Worry flooded her eyes.
It was wretched of him to resort to that, but he forged ahead. “Let’s make the leap. You will have my total commitment and I promise, after the wedding day, all these doubts and fears will disappear.” What he really meant was that if he put a ring on her finger and signed the papers, she wouldn’t feel guilty about making love to him, and they wouldn’t need to have this difficult conversation again.
“You will be my wife,” he added, “and we will become a respectable married couple. Who could ever have imagined it?”
That at least got a smile out of her. “I think I’d like to be respectable.”
Seger chuckled.“Youwould? I’m about to enter a whole new world.”
