Lily. Her marriage.
She went home to an empty house, cooked supper, watched television, or caught up on some reading. She kept busy so that she wouldn’t think about the horror of what had happened to Lily or miss Eric and surrender to the temptation to look at his Facebook page and see what he was doing with Keri, the new woman in his life.
Nights were hard. She couldn’t bear to imagine him sleeping beside Keri, holding her close, intimately and lovingly, like he used to hold Gwen. Sometimes she would lie awake and picture him making love to Keri and wonder if they were doing it at that very moment. Jealousy would rip into her gut like a dagger, and she would pound the mattress with her fist. She would wish terrible things on them both.
But most nights, she would lie on her side, hugging his pillow and blaming herself for driving him away with her perpetual grief and gloom. She would think of all the times she had shut him out, and she would feel nothing but regret. Those were the nights she would long for him in the empty spot in bed beside her and wish she could go back and do everything differently. Loneliness would keep her awake, haunting her until she got up and did something like wash dishes or watch a late-night talk show.
Gwen was always relieved to see morning light in the window so that she could get up, go for a run, and head off to work. Perhaps she liked the same old routine because something new would require her to move on from the old, and she wasn’t ready for that. Or maybe shewas afraid of it. Afraid of another fresh disaster and the pain it would bring, all over again.
“What do you think of that?” Peter asked, and she realized she hadn’t responded to his theory about Scarlett being stronger than anyone knew.
Perhaps it was time for Gwen to be stronger too. Or make an effort to invite change into her life.
“Yes,” she said, redirecting her thoughts to the conversation. “And people do think she had a charmed life. She made everything look so easy with that dazzling smile, but it couldn’t have been all sunshine and roses. Not if she was forced to give up a child.”
Peter finished eating and leaned back in his chair. He regarded Gwen closely. “Do you have children?”
She balled up her napkin and tossed it onto the plate. “I hate being asked that question. And I don’t mean that in a rude way—it’s just that ...” She stopped and couldn’t seem to finish the thought.
“It’s none of my business,” Peter said.
“No, it’s fine.” She waved a hand through the air and tried to detach herself from the discomfort of sharing her story with others. “It’s just painful to talk about, and it makes things awkward sometimes. People get uncomfortable, and they don’t know what to say to me.”
He sat patiently, waiting for her to explain.
“I had a baby,” she finally told him. “But she only lived a few hours.”
“Oh, God,” he quickly said. “I’m so sorry.”
“Thank you.” After a pause she managed to continue. “It was a difficult labor, and when she was born, they realized something was wrong.” Gwen paused again. “It’s not easy to talk about,” she told him a second time.
“You don’t have to.”
“No, I should. I need to learn how to face it and not just bury it all the time.” She swallowed hard and gripped the armrests on the chair.“She had something called hypoplastic left heart syndrome. It’s a congenital defect where the left side of the heart is severely underdeveloped. They rushed her to surgery and tried to save her, but ...” Gwen forced the words out of her mouth. “She didn’t make it.”
“I’m so sorry,” Peter said again.
She met his sympathetic gaze. “At least I got to hold her before things went wrong, and for a moment, the world was perfect.”
They both sat quietly at the table.
“You were right,” he said in a low voice. “It’s hard to know what to say.” After a lengthy silence, he asked, “How long ago was that?”
“It’s been two years,” Gwen explained. “But on top of losing my baby, my marriage fell apart. A casualty of the grief and my reluctance to have another child because there would be an increased risk of the same thing happening again. But Eric wanted to try, and we just couldn’t seem to agree on anything. So now, I’m trying to move on. No choice really.”
She had no choice because Eric had left, and now he was seeing someone else, which made it less likely that they would ever work things out.
Peter looked down. “This news about Scarlett must hit close to home. You’re probably cursing me right now, wishing I hadn’t come and told you about this.”
“No,” Gwen firmly replied. “I mean ... it opens a wound in a way, but it feels good to be sitting here, working late. I haven’t felt this kind of focus or energy in a long time. It also makes me feel a closer connection to Scarlett, to know that she might have had a baby that she had to give up. I understand that kind of pain. And of course I want to find out what happened to the baby—if there was one.”
“We have our work cut out for us.” Peter stood and closed the pizza box.
“Feel free to take those leftovers back to your hotel,” Gwen suggested, deliberately changing the subject. “Where are you staying?”
“The Old Orchard Inn. Gorgeous views of the valley.”
“For sure.”
