She could just imagine Eric pacing around his living room, dumbfounded, shocked that Gwen wasn’t sitting home by the phone anymore. And where was Keri? Gwen certainly wasn’t going to ask.
“You’re right,” he said. “It’s not my business. I’m just surprised—that’s all. I didn’t know you were ...”
“Didn’t know I was what?” she asked. “Having a life?”
She waited for him to respond, but he seemed lost for words.
“Gwen ...”
The sound of her name on his lips took her back ten years, and something inside her softened.
“What do you want?” she asked, forcing herself to remain grounded in the present.
A car with a bad muffler drove by on the street.
“I called because I want to talk about us,” Eric said. “I feel like the past year was some kind of ... I don’t know ... a bad dream or hallucination or a spell of temporary insanity.”
Her throat went dry. “What are you saying?”
“I’m saying that I think we both lost it a little. We went crazy ... in different ways.”
But Gwen had never felt that she had gone crazy. She’d always believed her grief was normal. It would have been crazynotto be affected by what happened.
“You gave up on us,” she said. “You deserted me when I needed you most.”
“I know.”
“In sickness and in health,” she continued. “Isn’t that what we promised each other? But you were quick to bail when life got tough.”
He didn’t argue. “You’re right. I see that now. I’ve had time to reflect.”
“While you were banging Keri?” The words shot out of her mouth like a bullet, and she didn’t regret it.
“I deserve that,” he said.
“Yes, you do.”
For several seconds, neither of them spoke. Gwen sat on the small twin bed in the Victorian hotel, waiting for her husband to tell her, once and for all, what he truly wanted.
“Maybe we could get together when you get back,” he carefully said. “Just to talk, if you’re willing.”
Gwen covered her forehead with her hand. “I don’t want to talk about you and Keri.”
“No, of course not. I don’t want to talk about that either. I want to talk about us and everything that went wrong. I know I’ve made mistakes, and I’m sorry. That’s why I called. That’s what I wanted to say to you. And there’s still so much more I want to say. You didn’t deserve what you got. I was a bad husband.”
Again, her hardened heart softened, and her anger cooled a little. “I appreciate that. And you weren’t all bad. We were happy. Before.”
“Yes. And I can’t tell you how much I miss what we had. It’s finally hitting me that you aren’t a part of my life anymore, and it feels ... it just feels so wrong. Like I’ve lost my best friend.”
Gwen flopped back on the bed. “I don’t want to have this conversation when you’re in a relationship with another woman.”
“I hear you. But what if I ended it? Do you think then we could ... I don’t know ... talk more and see how things go?”
She sat up, alert and hyperfocused. “Are you suggesting that we give our marriage another try?”
“Maybe,” he replied. “I’m not sure.”
It galled her that he still didn’t know what he wanted, that he might just be having cold feet with Keri and wanting to make sure he was doing the right thing.
