He stopped and faced the ocean again. The steady breeze lifted his dark hair, and the morning sunshine, from the east, illuminated his profile.
“To what?” she pressed.
“To do what I want.”
She closed her eyes and felt her body slump in defeat. “That makes no sense.”
“I don’t know how else to say it, Emma.”
She struggled to decipher what he was truly feeling. “Is it because you don’t believe you deserve happiness?”
He shook his head and met her gaze. “You’re overanalyzing this, when it’s perfectly simple. I’m a married man, and you’re a young single woman, and it’s not right.”
“But—”
“I can’t give you what you want.”
She fought to bring her breathing under control. “And what do you think that is?”
He took his time to consider how best to answer the question. “Commitment,” he finally said. “Companionship. A proper future. I’m not that man, and you know it.”
Her heart slammed against her rib cage, and she wanted to cry out mournfully. “I don’t believe you.”
Dear God! This was probably the last conversation she would ever have with him, and she couldn’t let him leave without making him see how desperately she loved him. He needed to understand how happy they could be together. But heaven help her, she was paralyzed. There wasn’t enough time. She couldn’t find the words.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I have to go.” He started walking toward the other people, the horses and wagons and supplies coming off the surfboats.
“Please, wait!” Emma hurried to keep up with his long, purposeful strides. “I feel things for you I’ve never felt before, and I don’t know what to make of it or what I’ll do with myself after you’re gone.”
“There’s nothing for you to do,” he replied, “except forget about me and live your life.”
“But I’ll miss you,” she told him, slogging through the deep sand. “I won’t be able to stand it.” She knew she was begging, and she sounded pathetic, but she couldn’t help herself. There was no more time to be subtle.
Captain Harris strode faster, seeming determined to escape the awkwardness and discomfort of this conversation. “Focus on your future, Emma. You’ll do well at school. I have no doubt about that.”
She couldn’t take it anymore. She caught his sleeve in a tight fist, tugged at it, and forced him to stop and turn. “Please, tell me. Do you have feelings for me beyond fondness? Or am I just dreaming? Am I a child to you?”
She needed to know what he felt. She needed truth.
His blue eyes settled on her face. He grimaced slightly, and Emma felt a heavy pressure on her chest, a sensation that was emotionally crushing.
“Emma,” he said. “You have so much growing up to do.”
The look of compassion in his eyes was the ultimate humiliation. She stood motionless and embarrassed.Oh, God... all those foolish fantasies ...
“I’m sorry if I made you think there was anything more than friendship between us,” he added.
She closed her eyes briefly, squared her shoulders, and groped for whatever was left of her shredded dignity. “Please don’t apologize. It’s not your fault. I just ... I misunderstood things.”
He said nothing more, but he didn’t walk away.
Suddenly, her pride bucked and roared. Emma lifted her chin. “You should go. You don’t want to miss that boat.”
He turned his gaze toward the others on the beach.
“Go on,” she said fiercely. “I’m fine here. I understand everything you’ve said to me, and I appreciate your honesty. I needed to hear that. Now I just want to be alone for a few minutes.”
“You’re sure?”
