Emma was fascinated by this. “So, you feel less burdened by the choices you’ve made in the past?”
If only she could feel that way too.
“That’s exactly it,” he replied. “But it’s funny—I’d looked death in the eye many times during the war, but it wasn’t until I spent time here with you that I truly appreciated the miracle of being alive. Do you remember our morning ride, the day before I left?”
“Yes.”
“Every moment of that day with you is etched on my brain,” he said. “Especially seeing the wild horses. Nothing was quite the same after that.”
Emma watched Matthew dash into a group of seagulls roosting on the beach. They took off frantically.
“I wish you’d told me all this when you left,” Emma said. “All these years I felt like such a fool for imagining that you found me at all interesting. Eventually I came to the conclusion that you were just being kind, humoring me the whole time.”
“Humoring you? Emma, I was amazed by you. Was that not obvious?”
Amazed?
“But you ignored me that night at the party,” she reminded him, having never forgotten the hurt. “I thought I’d done something wrong,or that I’d insulted you somehow. Then you left me feeling mortified the next morning because of the things I said to you.”
He looked down at his shoes as he walked. “I hope you can accept my apology. I should have handled that better.”
Emma thought about everything. “I suppose you were right, in a way. You told me I was a child, and I was. I had no experience in the real world.”
He glanced down at her. “But you have it now.”
“Oh yes,” she said, with a bitter laugh. “More than I ever wanted. I have firsthand knowledge of lies and betrayal and criminal court, and now I understand why some people become so bitter and jaded.” She started walking again. “So maybe it was a good lesson for me, because I won’t get into trouble like that again. I’m much more cautious. Far less trusting.”
He regarded her intently. “It makes me sad to hear that.”
“It shouldn’t. Clearly, I had a lot to learn. I was so preachy before, giving people advice, thinking I knew everything. I was arrogant to imagine that I could sit in a classroom, get a degree, and counsel people about how to cope with their traumas, when I’d never experienced anything remotely traumatic in my own life.”
“You lost your mother on the day you were born.”
“Yes, but I have no memory of that—at least no conscious memory—and I had a wonderful childhood, relatively speaking.”
“Because of your friend Ruth,” he said.
Emma was surprised that he remembered Ruth’s name after so many years. He wasn’t lying about everything being etched on his brain.
“Are you still in touch with her?” he asked.
“Yes, we write to each other, and I take Matthew for a visit every summer. Ruth was with me in Halifax when Logan was arrested. We were staying at her house because I went to the hospital to deliver Matthew. Speak of the devil ...”
Her son came running toward them. “Can we go back now? I’m hungry.”
“You just had lunch,” Emma said.
“Can I have a snack?”
She laughed and rubbed the top of his head. “I think I saw a cookie jar in Mrs. Jordan’s kitchen. Maybe if you ask nicely ...”
“I’m always nice, Mom.” Matthew took off toward East Station.
“Oh, to have that energy,” Oliver said wistfully, with amusement.
“Tell me about it. Shall we head back as well?”
They turned to retrace their steps back to East Light.
