She stared at him heatedly and fought to quiet her fury, then wished she had the discipline to keep her feelings to herself. But clearly, her emotional floodgates had broken completely open. He probably thought her mad for ranting like a hysteric.
“Emma, you’re mistaken if you think you were the only one tossing and turning last night.”
She drew back slightly as he stood up.
“And I can’t believe,” he continued, “that you have no idea how badly I wanted you back then. That you didn’t recognize that it was torture for me to pretend otherwise. But I had to because I was a married man, years older than you, and it was completely inappropriate. I said the things I did because I wanted you to move on.”
Emma frowned with confusion, not entirely sure she could believe or accept this. Everything in her mind was telling her to reject it. “You were expecting me to read between the lines?”
“I suppose I was, yes. And when I asked my wife for a divorce,” he continued, “it was because I thought that ... maybe eventually ... I could come back here, see you again, and things would be different. But then your father wrote and told me about your marriage, so I accepted my father-in-law’s offer in Manchester and did my best to move on.”
Emma was still in a daze of denial, and now she was fighting tears. “Then why did you come back yesterday if you thought I was married? What was the point in that?”
He lowered his head in defeat. “I don’t know. God knows I tried to resist coming here. Ididresist it—foryears—which wasn’t easy every time I steamed past this island on my way to America.” He looked up and waved his hand through the air, as if he were conducting an orchestra, grasping for an explanation. “Maybe I thought coming here would put an end to that stubborn little dream in the back of my head. Maybe if I saw you happily married to another man, I’d stop romanticizing what happened between us that week and accept reality.”
The mention of reality left Emma in a state of incomprehension, not entirely sure if this was actually happening. She strolled to the garden entrance and looked out at the rolling dunes. The marram grass blew, but inside the circle of roses, the world was sheltered, and still its own special little world.
“You kept in touch with my father,” she said with her back to Oliver. “Why didn’t he tell you what happened with my husband? We’ve been apart for seven years.”
“I don’t know. That’s a question you’ll have to ask him. I’d like to know the answer myself.”
Emma gazed up at the misty clouds and the rapidly changing light across the sky. It had been nearly an hour since the captain had sent his men away with the supplies. They would be back for him soon. A dreadful heaviness settled into her heart.
“Your tender is probably on its way.”
“My men can wait,” he replied and strode closer until he stood beside her in the garden entrance.
Emma kept her eyes down and struggled to control her breathing.
“Look at me,” Oliver said.
Reluctantly, she turned to him.
“When you told me that your husband wasn’t here, and that he was no longer in the picture, I was overjoyed.”
Emma should have been thrilled by this confession, but she could only gaze up at Oliver with wariness—because he could do it again. He could leave in a few minutes and never come back.
That thought sent her pride bucking.
“You were glad? Why? What did you imagine would happen? That I’d become infatuated with you again and all would be forgotten?”
He slowly shook his head. “No, I could see that you’d changed, and there was a wall between us. It’s still there now.”
She looked away. “I don’t know why you’re telling me all this.”
“Because I want you to know the truth. I want honesty between us.”
“For what purpose?”
“That depends on you.”
“Me?”
“Yes,” he said. “We’re both married, but not happily. I’ve never been able to forget you, and I’d like the chance to be with you, Emma.”
A battle was still raging inside her, and it made her feel cold and antagonistic. “What are you suggesting? That I become your mistress? Isn’t that what they call it in your country?”
“No. That’s not what I want.” He paused and took a breath. “Ever since I left you on that beach, I’ve imagined all sorts of scenarios. I’ve imagined what I would do if I found out your husband had died. I pictured myself giving you the proper amount of time you’d need to grieve. Then I would somehow win you back. Then we would marry, and I’d retire from the sea.”
