Silence follows.
Heavy.
I just stood there.
I can see her. Frozen. Holding pieces of a life she doesn’t recognize.
The dress was still in my hands. The receipt, too.
A pause.
I don’t even like it anymore.
Of course she doesn’t.
It just feels like proof. Of everything I keep getting wrong.
My throat tightens.
Now I’m sitting here trying to figure out how I messed this up. Why I always seem to disappoint him. Why I can’t just be the kind of wife he deserves.
The conditioning is complete.
I want to be better. More careful. More understanding.
My chest aches.
But it’s so hard when I feel like I’m always walking on eggshells. Like I’m just waiting for the next time I’ll get it wrong.
I close my eyes briefly.
I wish I could talk to someone about this.
You should have.
But I don’t want anyone to think badly of him.
Of course you don’t.
He’s a good man.
The lie is almost unbearable now.
He works hard. He takes care of us.
I exhale slowly.
I think he just wants what’s best.Maybe I just need to try harder.
There it is.
The trap.
Be more considerate. More appreciative.
Shrink smaller.
Maybe this is just marriage.
