And this time, I intend to use it.
Chapter Thirty
“Hey! Long time, no hear, stranger.” My brother singsongs as soon as he picks up the phone. He sounds cheerful, but I know him well enough to hear the edge in his words.
“Hey–is everything okay?” I ask.
“Mom and dad are going through it right now. Apparently the elders are upset with dad for–” I tune him out for a moment because it takes everything in me not to cut my brother off. In truth, this is the reason I don’t call him much–because despite the fact that he no longer lives on the reservation with our dad and his mom, he sure has a way of getting wrapped up in their drama. “Dad’s medical bills have been insane, the tribe has kicked in to help, but there’s a limit on what they’re willing to do so I’ve lent them some money but it’s not enough.” He pauses. “Maybe if you could help out a little it would put their minds at ease.”
“Mav–I gave them money a few years ago and a year later he asked again. He won’t pick up the phone and call to see how I’m doing but he’ll send these long rambling letters asking forhelp and cash–the more I give the more he takes, and I’m not just talking about cash, I’m talking about…everything.”
“I know, I know. I just feel bad because they struggle so much.” Maverick’s voice is quiet. In truth, my birth parents don’t feel like my family at all, I have no connection to them. But I do feel bad for Maverick. They raised him and I know he feels like he has to repay the favor, literally.
“If you stopped by for a visit it might help.” Maverick pushes.
I scrunch my features even though he can’t see me. “I don’t think it’s going to make a difference if I’m there or not.”
“I think it would,” he says.
I sigh. “He put me in foster care, Mav. Seriously, there’s nothing good that can come from me being in his life. I don’t even remember him outside of the time I visited when I was twelve.”
“But Dad’s been sick, he probably doesn’t even have much time left. Don’t you want to see him before he’s dead?”
“It’s not that simple.” I soften my tone.
“No, it’s not. But maybe it should be. You made it out, Mac. Do you ever wonder what life has been like for the rest of us?”
Guilt slams into my chest. “Mav—youchoseto stay.”
His face contorts with anger. “You don’t know what it’s like to grow up under a system that keeps you just fed enough, just educated enough—to make sure you never leave! Do you know how it feels to suffer abuse at the hands of those teachers at the rez school? There’s always a shortage, so they bring in volunteers. And when no one is looking too closely at who they’re letting in… some people come for the wrong reasons—whether you want to believe that or not.”
“I know, I know—you’ve told me all about the abuses of growing up Native.”
“Not just abuse, McCullough—theworstkind of abuse. In every way—fuck—you can be such an asshole sometimes.”
“Mav—”
“You’re becoming one of them, you said you never would and then you did.”
Shame coils like a knot in my stomach. “How can you defend them so much? You overdosed with your mom at seventeen—she left you to die with a crack pipe on the couch while she partied with friends—Mav?—”
“She’s clean now. Anyway, Dad’s the one that found me, called the ambulance….that’s why I show up for him. He saved me once, figure visiting him and giving him a little cash now and then is the least I can do. What would it hurt to give an old man a little happiness?”
“If I’m the only source of his happiness…”
“You’re not. Of course you’re not.” He sighs. “I’ve been stopping by once a week but every week just gets worse and worse and the elders are giving him hell about giving up his place on the tribal board. He feels abandoned by his tribe, by you, by life I guess.”
I don’t reply because there really isn’t any more to say. I know he’s upset with me for not helping out more with our dad, but how can I? I know I’m leaving him to handle everything but he’ll get over it. I haven’t spent more than a few hours with them anyway, maybe if they’d made the effort a few times over the years to visit me or call I could muster some concern, but for me, they’re nothing more than strangers. Anyway, Maverick will get over this. He always does.
My brother waits a long moment and then switches the topic. “So what did you call for if not to check on dad?”
I ignore his little dig and say, “Phillip moved in his mistress.”
“Well that’s an interestingturn of events.”
“I thought so. If he’s been hiding her for the last year, what else is he hiding?”
“The guy is good at keeping secrets, I’ll give him that.” Maverick comments. He sounds distracted, but then, he’s always busy so I can’t fault him for that.
