But I couldn’t bring myself to tell them what happened. Not yet. At the very least not until I talked to Kodi and got an idea of … where we were at.
So instead of texting my friends or lying fitfully next to Kodi and risk waking her up, I went to the kitchen and started breakfast.
One thing I’d noticed about adult Kodi was that any time she was in the office, she had a cup of coffee. Always something from a local shop with caramel on the label. So I went about making caramel sauce and coffee for her.
I didn’t have much time to cook or bake with my schedule, I spent most of my off Sundays on a run or the field for some extra practice, but I did like it. I liked the focus a recipe called for, it was just like a game plan, I read ahead, I researched possible issues, I prepared things in advance. It was easy to focus on.
“Olli? Did you order something? It smells —” Kodi said as she rounded into the kitchen, stopping when she saw me at the counter, pouring the caramel sauce into a glass. Her eyes went wide as she watched the sauce drip, mouth watering. And I did pretty much the same.
After we’d cleaned up last night, I dressed her in one of my team shirts, though not a jersey or anything with my name on it, and some boxer briefs. She’d looked cute in them then, well fucked and tired. And now in the glow of morning light with her hair all frizzy and eyes squinted, she looked absolutely stunning.
“Morning, Kodi,” I said, fighting a lump in my throat. I wiped the lip on the pan and set it aside so I could meet her at the corner of the kitchen island and press a kiss to her forehead.
“Morning,” she said hesitantly, stepping back to look at me with narrowed eyes. “What’re you doing?”
“Oh.” I stepped away and went to the coffee machine, feeling like I’d done something wrong. So I braced for whatever rejection or pushback that might come. “Making coffee.”
“Coffee with …” She picked up the jar of caramel sauce and took a long sniff, eyes fluttering closed. “Caramel? Fresh caramel?”
“I didn’t have any on hand.” I shrugged. “But I know that’s how you like your coffee, so I looked up a recipe.”
“You made me fresh caramel?” she nearly shouted, eyes popping open to meet mine.
“Like I said, I didn’t have any, so —”
“So I could’ve just had plain coffee. You didn’t have tomakesyrup for me.” She dipped her pointer finger into the jar, then put it in her mouth. Her eyes closed again and she moaned at the taste. The sound instantly sent my blood boiling. “Fuck, that’s good. Are you secretly a baker? Because on top of shirtless holding puppies, you in the kitchen would also make an excellent calendar photo.”
“No, I just followed the instructions is all.” I shrugged again, going to the sink to fill the coffee pot. “I just wanted you to have your coffee. Seems like it’s a must for you. Right?”
“It is,” she said softly, moving behind me and wrapping her arms around my waist. She pressed a kiss between my shoulder blades. “But I could’ve had plain coffee.”
“I had the ingredients and the time.” I shrugged again.
“If you had to make the syrup, I’d argue you didn’t have the ingredients.” She reached around and took the water-filled pot from me, then went about getting everything ready to brew. I grumbled in response, turning to watch her flit around my kitchen like it was second nature.
I loved it and it scared the hell out of me, because I had no clue how I’d go on if this wasn’t my new normal.
“Kodi,” I said, voice rough as the fear caught in my throat. She turned around and cocked her head.
“So we’re gonna do the big talk before coffee, huh?” she said with a grimace.
Something twisted in my heart and I nodded. A talk,clarity, was the only way to make that feeling stop. I couldn’t enjoy this moment with this weight on my chest. The weight that said she might be playing nice, that she might regret what we did, or at least never want to do it again. And if she said she wanted to forget about the whole thing … my heart might stop all together.
So yeah, I needed this talk to happen before coffee.
“Right,” Kodi said, knocking her fists together. “Let’s … talk.” She rounded the kitchen island and I turned to face her as she sat on the opposite side. “So I’d like to preface this talk by saying I’ve never really done it before.”
“Done it?” I repeated, then a different brand of panic reared its head. “Were you a virgin?”
Kodi threw her head back and laughed.
“No, no, no,” she said through her laughter. “Not at all. Though —” She paused, eyes darkening as she looked down my chest. “If I had been, you sure as hell would’ve taken it without any bloodshed or discomfort.”
“Well …” It was hard to formulate a response to that … compliment, especially as she laughed at my response. “Then what did you mean?”
“I just meant …” The giggles finally subsided and Kodi literally shook herself to get back on track. “I meant I haven’t done … relationship talks. Or like defining what we are talks. That kind of shit. My romantic relationships have been … predominately hookups. So the ‘talk’ thing hasn’t been necessary.”
“Do you think it’s unnecessary for us?” I asked, grip going white as I clutched the countertop.
