Iris nods, but she’s completely curled in on herself. I’ve seen her like this before. When she first got here. When I tried to talk to her, she would get all shy and awkward. But it was cute back then, and she eventually came out of her shell. Decided to trust me.
And look what I did with that trust.
The silence stretches between us as I look around the room, trying to think of something to say. She’s completely stiff, like she’s bracing herself for something.
“Iris.” I start, resting my hand on her back, trying to get her to relax, but she flinches hard.
“I have to go,” she mumbles, the same thing she said before, leaving the room without even taking her uneaten salad.
I stay exactly where I am, my hand still outstretched, touching nothing but air where she used to sit. When I look up, Layla’s glaring at me, sharp enough to cut glass. “What the hell, Nate?”
“I don’t…” My voice breaks. I clear my throat, trying again. “I don’t know.”
“God, I knew you would do this!”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
She scoffs. “Don’t play dumb. Iris is different, okay? She’s sensitive and—” She pauses, getting too worked up over whatever she thinks I did to finish her sentence. “Youcan’t fuck around with her and leave the way you do with everybody else!”
“That’s not what this is!” I snap back, too loud, making a couple of teachers glance over. “It’s not like that, Layla.”
“Then why does she look like she hasn’t slept in days? And why is she flinching away from you like that?”
“I don’t know!” The words come out full of frustration. “I don’t know what to do. I’ve been trying to reach out, to talk, but she won’t even look at me.”
“Maybe because you hurt her,” Layla shoots back, all fierce protection for her best friend. “You better spill, Wesley. What happened between you two?”
“I can’t,” I tell her, shaking my head. I don’t know what Iris has said to Layla. But something in my face must give it away because Layla sighs.
“She told you, didn’t she?”
“You know?”
She nods, some of her anger from before melting away. “She told me last month. She said she was gonna have to tell you soon or—” she doesn’t say it, letting me fill in the gaps.
“Or break up with me.” The words taste like poison on my tongue. “She was thinking about dumping me. I can’t believe this. I thought we were happy, and the whole time—” I shake my head, the realization that Iris hasn’t been on the same page at all, hitting harder than anything she told me.
“She didn’t want to,” Layla tells me, “She was terrified, Nate. This is Rosehill, not exactly known for equality. Andclearly, you didn’t take it well.”
“I love her, Layla, I really do. But this—” My voice falters, shame I don’t understand burning through me. “I can’t wrap my head around it. I feel like I don’t know anything anymore.I should care, shouldn’t I? I shouldn’t want to be with her anymore.”
“Bullshit,” Layla declares, making me glance up. She pins me in place with a look that tells me she sees straight through me.
“You’re making this harder than it needs to be,” she continues, “It doesn’t change anything. Iris is still Iris. She’s been trans this entire time. The only thing that changed is you knowing about it.”
“It ain’t just that. I don’t— I’m not—”
“Whatever you’re about to say, don’t,” she snaps, cutting me off. “You’re better than that, Nate.Iknow it doesn’t bother you, andyouknow it doesn’t bother you, so it’s not about that. This is about whether you’re gonna man up and be the person she deserves or if you’re gonna let your hang-ups ruin what you two have.”
I open my mouth to defend myself, but stop when she interrupts. “You need to get over it. Because if you don’t, you’re gonna lose the best thing that ever happened to you. And trust me, if you let her walk away over this, she’snotcoming back.”
“I’m trying,” I tell her. There’s no use in lying to her or myself.
Layla’s right.
“Try harder. She loves you.”
I sigh, running a hand through my hair. “I know she does.”
