All I want is ice cream to eat while I sit alone on the couch, thinking about Nate. About the way he looked at me that night, the shock, the anger. The inevitable words we haven’t said since.
The end of our relationship and how I can’t make myself stop missing him, no matter how hard I try.
So here I am, wandering the frozen aisle of the small grocery store, trying to decide between cookie dough and strawberry, when someone nearly walks right into me. “Sorry,” I say on autopilot, scanning the ice cream flavors.
I think I want cookie dough.
“Kavi?” The sound of my old name, in that voice, freezes me in place.
Anika.
She’s standing there, phone in hand, wearing jeans and a medical school sweatshirt that swallows her thin frame. Her hair is shorter now, cropped into a bob that suits her. She looks older than she did eight years ago, but I would know her anywhere.
She’s my sister.
“Ani.”
“You…You’re back,” she says, her voice full of wonder.
“I teach art at the high school,” I tell her, trying to keep my voice from shaking, watching her face for any flicker of anger or disgust.
“You look…” She pauses, eyes flicking over me, “You look different.”
I nod. “I am different. More myself.”
She bites her lip, nodding slowly. “I can see that. I’m glad you can be yourself now.”
Pure relief floods through me. Anika kept my secret allthose years ago, but people change. If she didn’t accept me now—
It would break my heart.
All I want to do is hug her, but I don’t. I don’t know if I’m allowed to now, after so long.
“So, med school?” I say instead, glancing down at her sweatshirt with a surge of pride, knowing that my sister is going to be a doctor. I always knew she was smart.
“It’s winter break. I’ve been staying with Mama and Papa, but I’m leaving on Friday.” She frowns at the mention of our parents. “They didn’t tell me you were back.”
“They don’t know,” I admit. “I don’t— I don’t think they would want to see me.”
Ani’s face softens as she moves toward me to rest a hand on my arm. “They still talk about you, you know? Mama used to make a cake on your birthday every year, but it always made Papa sad, so she stopped.”
“Oh,” I whisper, my voice breaking. “I didn’t— I was so scared, Ani. You know how traditional they are, I couldn’t tell them. I just couldn’t—”
“I know. I knew, even then. It didn’t stop it from…” She trails off, looking away as she pushes her glasses up, wiping her own tears from her face.
It hits me again, what I did to her all those years ago. How cruel it was. “I’m so sorry, Ani. You’re my sister, and I— I left you. I was so focused on getting out of Rosehill, I didn’t think about who I was hurting.”
“You didn’t even say goodbye.”
“I thought no one would notice I was gone. But that was stupid, wasn’t it?” She nods, a quick, shaky movement.
“Yes. It was,” she says, sniffling once.
A beat of silence passes between us, the freezer humming behind us, cold air making my skin pebble. Anika looks down at her shoes, pulling herself together before she meets my eyes again. “I think I get it, though. You didn’t want to leave us, but you had to. To be you.”
“You don’t still hate me?” I ask the very question I’ve been dreading knowing the answer to since the day I left home.
She shakes her head. “I’m still mad. I probably will be for a long time. But I don’t hate you. You’re my big sister.”
