I hate this conversation. I don’t want to share all these intimate details, but I also don’t want him to have any illusions about me.
“It hurt so much,” I whisper. “I would bleed…I wanted to avoid the pain. I couldn’t stop him, but I could stop some of the damage, so I went to a sex shop. The lady there was so nice. I didn’t tell her what was going on, just that sometimes things were…dry. She suggested some lube.”
Micah groans, shifting in bed, shoving his palms into his eyes, pressing his elbows into his knees. I hesitate, not sure he wants to hear the rest. “Finish,” he says harshly.
“I would…apply…it without him knowing. He would use the fact that I was wet against me, telling me how much I wanted it.” I lick my dry lips. “I didn’t want it. I never wanted it. But at least I didn’t…tear anymore.”
Micah makes a choked sound, then launches off the bed. I hear him retching in the bathroom, then finally the toilet flushing. He stays hunched over the sink as he rinses his mouth.
I watch the lines of his back, enjoying the flex of his muscles, letting my brain drift away from those horrible memories, wondering how he maintains all that muscle. Maybe all the heavy lifting he does at the garage is enough. I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of looking at him.
He comes back into the room, moving to sit back on the bed. His face and hair are wet, drops of water traveling down his cheek.
“I’m sorry,” I say softly.
He snarls. “Don’t you ever apologize to me for telling me the truth. I’m the one who should be fucking apologizing. I’ve been pushing you, Holly. I had the best intentions, but I still pushed you. I knew that you’d been through a lot, but hearing the specifics… I promise I’ll do better. If you want to talk, then I want to hear it, I promise. I just might have to go down to the gym and hit something later.”
“Ok,” I say over the lump in my throat.
Micah’s cell pings on the nightstand. “Kathy…coming,” he says. “Also, Declan and Colton would like to come talk to you. Declan says he found your friends.”
My heart jumps in my chest, excitement and dread mingling until it’s a messy swirl.
21
HOLLY
My stomach is still swirling as I watch Colt and Declan walk in. I rolled myself to the head of the table this morning, the couch somehow not formal enough for this conversation. Not terribly logical, considering the last time we sat at this table, there was a massive food fight.
These are not formal people.
Declan’s eyes are serious this morning, his trademark black hoodie over a white tank and black track pants. Colton’s wearing a plain black t-shirt and sweats, both stretched tight, pulling over his massive frame. I wonder if he just outgrew his clothes or does he like them tight? He’s massive, but I know he can afford clothing that fits.
Declan settles on my left, Colt next to him. Micah brings over coffees, then sits on my right. “Morning,” I finally manage through the frog in my throat. It’s not good news. I can see it on Declan’s face.
“Mornin’ Holly,” he says. Colton smiles and waves happily, making me grin despite the heaviness in the air.
“That was really fast. I didn’t think you’d have anything for me this quickly.”
Declan smiles softly. “Computers are kind of my thing. Finding people who aren’t hiding is easy. Took me less than an hour last night to pull everything together.”
He did in an hour what I couldn’t do in a year. The scope of their resources, their abilities is a bit overwhelming sometimes. If I had run from Micah, if he were my husband, he would have been able to find me so easily.
Thank God they’re good guys.
“Tell me.” I say, locking eyes with Declan. “It’s not good, is it?”
His mouth twists, and he opens the file folder in front of him. “Let’s start with the good stuff. I tracked Robyn down to California. She’s teaching at a school for the deaf out there. She’s married and has a three-year-old son.”
I cover my mouth, the reality of how much I’ve missed of her life hitting hard. When we last spoke, she tried to talk me out of marrying Brent. She was frustrated with me, convinced I was making a mistake. She’s lived an entire life without me. But a good life. She has a son! But if she’s doing ok then…
“And Evie?” I ask, bracing myself.
Declan blows out a heavy breath. “This is where things get tougher. You said Evie worked in the NICU when you left?”
“Yeah, she’d been there a few years. She had just adopted a little girl. A baby she’d been taking care of in the NICU for nearly a year. She was one of the best nurses there. Completely dedicated to the babies.” I want him to know how amazing she is.
He nods, shoulders tight. “There’s no easy way to say this.” Declan’s eyes are dark. “About a month after you left, she was fired from the hospital. Rumors were circulating that she stole opiates. The hospital didn’t press charges, on the condition that she not work as a nurse anywhere in the state of Ohio.”
