“Well, what exactly is your next homework?”
“Ah…to let Micah pleasure me.”
“Ohh…” She drifts off, a little smile on her face. “How do you feel about it?”
“Scared,” I say flatly. “She says I don’t have to do anything, but I think I want to. I’m just…Brent never touched me for my pleasure. It’s new.”
“You’ve never had a guy give you oral sex?”
“No.” Somehow, I hadn’t connected pleasure and oral until this second.
“Oh my God, are you in for a treat!”
A treat? I find that really hard to believe.
“I’m serious. It’s so good if the guy is patient, and into it. You won’t have any trouble with Micah.”
“What, I’m just supposed to get naked, spread my legs, and order him to work?”
Becca bursts into hysterical laughter, tipping over on the cushion, clutching her sides tightly. “Jesus. I would pay to see the look on his face if you did that.”
Giggling too, I admit, “The first night I asked to touch him, I thought his eyes were going to pop out of his face.”
And there it is. We’re locked in the giggle snort loop. Hanging onto each other, tears streaming down our faces. As she wipes her eyes, then her nose with her sleeve, a wave of gratitude crashes over me. “Thank you for being my friend,” I whisper.
Her eyes well with fresh tears as she pulls me into a hug. It’s deep, and wide, and cleansing. The kind of hug I used to share with Robyn. The kind only a true friend can give you.
“Thank you for being mine,” she says thickly.
“How are you and Kade doing?” I ask her, sick of my own drama for a minute.
She groans, dropping her head to the cushion. “He’s a little squirrelly, actually. Keeps dropping hints about marriage. He thinks he’s being so sneaky, but I’m onto him.”
My eyes widen. “You’re getting married? That seems fast.”
“No, we’re not getting married! It’s way too soon. Kade’s just…working through some stuff.”
“I don’t understand.”
She sighs, looking up at the ceiling. “I think he’s worried about me walking away.”
“Why would he worry about that?”
“Because I told him I would.” She says with a snort. My eyebrows raise in surprise and she laughs again. “He can get caught up in his own head sometimes, and go to some pretty dark places. I warned him when we got together that I wouldn’t let him treat me like crap. That I’ll walk if it happens again. So I think he’s worried about fucking up and me leaving.”
I’m not sure why I thought things between Becca and Kade are perfect, but in a weird sort of way, it’s comforting that they’re not. That they’re still working on their issues.
We lay there, snuggled, relaxing. In the warm space between us, I admit a truth I’ve been hiding from. “Marriage is hard to walk away from,” I say quietly. “I’m afraid I’ll never be free of Brent. The things he did to me have changed me forever. And if he won’t give me a divorce…there’s no escaping him.”
She growls out a breath and tightens her arms around me. “What does Micah say about that?”
“I haven’t talked about it with him. I don’t want to.”
“Why? You know he’ll be on your side.”
“I know,” I say quietly. “But I just can’t. I have depended on him for everything the last month. Everything I’m wearing, he paid for. I’m sleeping in his bed, driving to work in a car he paid for. It’s enough. I won’t put anything more on him.”
“Holly, please, know I say this with love…you’re an idiot.”
