It’s been satisfying seeing something so neglected come alive again. I feel like I’ve been coming alive again too. Coming back to the person I used to be. One not so weighed down by grief. I twirl in my chair again, leaning my head back to watch the ceiling spin by. The office is quiet today, leaving me alone with my chaotic thoughts.
It’s D-Day.
I’m not looking forward to telling Kade I’m leaving, but it’s pretty clear that’s the right path for me.
I’ve taken to walking in the evenings, unable to sit and ponder my life and my choices. And yes, the disappointment over Kade freezing me out has me sick of myself. I built up this thing between us in my own mind, and I feel dumb still thinking about it.
So when I came across a Dojo late last week during a walk, I couldn’t resist going inside. It smelled like home. That mix of sweat and mat cleaner was so familiar. When I saw Devin at the front desk, an old friend from the tournament circuit, I nearly burst into tears. “I didn’t know you opened your own place.”
I laughed and hugged him. His husband, Jeff, came around the corner, and we all hugged. They were so kind and insisted I come and train. It felt amazing to be back, moving and flexing my body. I was starting to feel like myself again.
The me before everything exploded.
By the end of the week, they’d offered me a job. I didn’t even hesitate before saying yes. It felt right being there. Like I’d found a home again. With people who know me but didn’t witness the unraveling of my life. A place for my fresh start.
The clatter of tools and muffled cursing from the bays brings my attention back to the office. I hop up and head into the garage toward Micah, waving at the other guys as I pass them. I plop onto the low stool next to the workbench and watch him work in silence for a few minutes. He’s bent over working in a previously empty engine compartment.
Earlier this week, I watched from the office window as Kade and Micah worked together to get the engine in place. Both had shrugged out of the top of their coveralls, leaving them in white T-shirts with the coverall arms tied around their waists. Both men were big, strong, muscled, and sweaty. Any woman would happily watch them for hours. Micah is bigger, more muscled, but my eyes were drawn to Kade again and again.
I’d barely seen him the last few weeks. He’d come into the office a few times, but only briefly. I’d texted him a few times with questions, and he always got right back to me, but he brushed off any attempt I made to connect with him again. I could swear I still felt that electricity. Like he was watching me, wanting me. But he never got close. It’s pretty clear that he’s shut the door on more, and I’m feeling pathetic, mooning over him and getting nothing back. I know leaving is the right decision.
“Kade…here,” Micah rumbles, as always a careful pause between words so he doesn’t stumble over them.
I glance up and out the open bay door and see Kade climbing out of his truck. He’s wearing dress pants again today, and a white-collared shirt, the top three buttons undone. I wonder if he looks like that all day or if he yanks off his tie at the end of the workday. I’d seen him in that kind of outfit a few times, but I still wanted to climb him like a tree every time I did.
Stupid hormones.
I tear my eyes away and focus back on Micah.
“How the hell did you know that? Your head’s been in that engine this whole time. Be honest, Micah, you’re a bit psychic, aren’t you?” I tease him.
I hear the humor in his voice when he grunts back, “Good…ears.”
I laugh and glance over to see Kade in the office, watching me. “Catch you later, Micah,” I say, then walk slowly to the office, Kade’s eyes on me the whole way.
Avoiding his gaze, I move across the office and hop up on the reception desk. I swing my legs, gently kicking the desk with my heels, looking past his shoulder, watching the cars go by on the street out front. The air in the room gets thicker.
“It’s been three weeks,” I blurt suddenly.
“Yea, it has.” He seems to be waiting for something, unwilling to say anything more. I exhale, my chest feeling heavy.
“I’ve found another job,” I whisper. “It’s a few blocks away at …” I stutter, to a stop at Kade’s growl. My eyes snap to his burning ones. He’s glaring at me like I’ve done something wrong. A little flame of anger ignites in me.
“You can stop glaring anytime now, Kade. We agreed on three weeks, and if it wasn’t working, we’d move on. Well, I’m moving on.” My breath is coming faster, my heart pumping.
“What’s not working, Bec? This place is running better than it has in years.” Scowling, he pushes his hands through his hair, leaving it standing straight up. “Years Becca. Why the hell would you want to leave? Am I not paying you enough? I can up it.”
I’m shaking my head. “No. It’s not that. I…I need something different. I’m not used to sitting in an office all day. I just thought this would be different. That’s on me.” I give him a sad smile. “I’m sorry. I’ll stay on for a bit and help you get someone new trained. I can do both jobs for a little while.”
I really do feel bad. While this isn’t my dream job, I know I’m letting my personal feelings get in the way. But I don’t want to stay here and feel this pull every time I see Kade. It’s like being at Wonka’s chocolate factory and not being allowed to eat—or lick—anything. And having him avoid me at all costs is not good for my ego. It’s better to go, and find some guy who wants me as bad as I want him.
He’s pacing back and forth, muttering. Better to finish this now. “I’m hoping you’ll let me rent the apartment for another couple of months, just until I’ve got enough saved up for a new place.”
He spins to stare before demanding at me, “Where? Where are you working?”
“I found a job at the Dojo a few blocks away. I can walk there easily enough. It’s mostly later in the day, so like I said, I’ll still work here for a while.”
My hands are twisting in my lap. I honestly didn’t expect him to be this upset about me leaving. This is not the reaction of an employer losing an employee. I can’t resist asking, “Kade, I’ll help you train someone new. You won’t be left with everything on your plate again. Why are you so upset?”
