holding herself register. “Wait…what?”
Her mouth trembles the faintest bit. She pulls herself taller and looks right at me. “I don’t have
any experience with any of this. With men.”
I have to run it through my mind a few times, like she’s speaking another language, and I’m
mentally translating it into English. “Jesus. Are you saying you’re a virgin?”
She frowns. “I don’t like that term. In a clinical sense, do I have a hymen? No. Did I get that way
because I had sex with a man? No.”
I have no idea what’s happening.Hymenis rattling around in my mind, and I can’t gather a clear
thought. “But…wait….what?”
She spins, running for the door, and this time I’m too slow to stop her. I end up face-planting into
my front door as it slams shut behind her. Groaning in frustration, I slap at the door handle, my arms
about as useful as a T-Rex’s, just flapping.
What an epic shit show. Sliding to the floor, I drop onto my ass and ponder my major fuck up.
How the hell is she a virgin, and how the hell did I not realize? Though, to be fair, it’s not really
something that’s obvious. Sure, she’s awkward, but so are a lot of people. That doesn’t mean
anything. But to somehow remain a virgin this long, fuck, how does that happen? Is it a religious
thing?
“It’s none of my fucking business,” I yell at the ceiling, my voice echoing back at me like it’s
mocking me. I want everything about her to be my business, and isn’t that just a kick in the ass? I have
no idea how to navigate this. But one thing is clear. Maya has saved herself for some reason, and I
know for a fact that someone like me, someone who treats sex so casually, is not the man she needs.
And that hurts.
MOST OF SUNDAY IS SPENT LYING ON MY BED, LETTING MY BODY RECOVER FROM MY STUPIDITY WHILE
running every moment I’ve spent with Maya through my mind. Every time I do, I think I’ve come up
with some clue or key to her. I think I understand her better. Then I realize I’m full of shit, and start
back at the moment I saw her face on that video interview.
She seemed so cold and analytical. She fooled me into thinking that’s who she really is. But she’s
the furthest thing from cold, and under that calm facade, there’s a well of deep feeling. It was obvious
at family dinner on Friday how much she really wants to be a part of something. So who the fuck am I,
trying to get in her pants? I’m her boss, as she so rightly pointed out, and that is so out of line.
