when you check on me. It helps me remember you exist.”
Bursting into laughter, I shove him. He barely moves, strong fucker. “Can you explain that one to
me?”
“You do not have that problem? Getting so focused on what you are doing that you forget the
world exists?”
“Sometimes, but I’m thinking not the same way you do. When I’m focusing, thoughts pop in,
breaking my concentration.”
“What kinds of thoughts?”
“A little bit of everything. Something someone said that annoyed me. What I’m going to have for
lunch. I think about you, wondering if you’re ok. I think about the weekend. Just the regular, everyday
stuff everyone thinks about.”
“That sounds awful. No wonder most people’s productivity is so low.”
Snorting because, yes, the entire world’s productivity sucks compared to his, I turn to him, leaning
on the door. We’ve never talked like this, and I’m incredibly curious to understand the way he
experiences the world. “Is it really not like that inside your head? When you’re working, you’re just
thinking about work?”
Jonas puts his palms together and spins them. The familiar sight sends my heart racing, and I force
myself to breathe out.It’s not a bad thing. It’s ok. He’s fine.“Well…yes. When I’m working, I’m only
thinking about what I’m doing. The rest of the world disappears. Nothing else exists.”
“And nothing breaks you out of that?”
“Only a few things. Usually, it’s sensory. If something is too loud, or if a seam is bothering me.
Most of that kind of distraction has been eliminated, so I don’t have to worry. Oh, also, elimination. If
I need to use the bathroom, I’ll notice, but only when it is absolutely urgent.”
“I’ve seen those fast walks. You’ve done them since you were little,” I say, laughing. “I look
forward to them. They’re funny as hell.”
His face scrunches up. “They don’t feel funny. They feel urgent and uncomfortable.”
Covering my eyes with my hand, I dissolve into laughter, picturing him turtling it all the way down
the hallway. “Jesus, Jonas. Why don’t you go sooner?”
“I just told you, I don’t notice.” He scowls at me, and pushes open his door, letting a wash of cold
air in. “The sensation has to be strong enough to make me break focus. By then, it’s an immediate
