“These are the perks of being married to a squirrel. What a lucky guy I am.” He flashed a grin, and she hated how the sight of it still had the ability to almost knock the wind from her.
“Oh? Are there any other perks?” Cat didn’t know why she asked that. It sounded almost flirty, and the last thing she wanted was to encourage him. The only thing to do was to turn her back to him.
That might have been a mistake, because hetook the unintentional bait and drew closer, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her back to his front. His breath was warm along her neck, the delicate brush of his lips along the shell of her ear. “There are lots of perks in fact.”
“Like what?” It was as if she couldn’t help herself. She even sounded breathless.
“They’re pretty cute. They’re great at finding nuts and putting them in their mouths. They can get jobs as rescue rangers.”
A soft laugh bubbled from her throat, her muscles beginning to ease into him. This was how they used to converse, a fun back-and-forth between them, one that usually meant nothing of significance and, yet, used to mean everything. She had missed this. “If you’re thinking of Chip and Dale, they’re chipmunks, not squirrels.”
“Wait. Are you sure?”
“Yeah.”
He paused for a moment before asking, “But they both like nuts, right?”
All she could do was nod, his grip tightening as he pressed himself into her, trailing hot, open-mouth kisses along her neck. “Cat,” he murmured gruffly into her skin.
Everything in her screamed to soften, to let go, to forget about their fight and what he’d said out of frustration—to let herself be with Trey like she used to.
But it was difficult to let go completely.
He was right. She was a squirrel, but instead ofacorns, she hoarded grudges. Catalina never failed to grab them, tucking them away inside of herself, like a miser who might need those grudges in the future, even while knowing they served no useful purpose besides hurting herself.
Except this was different. Trey had mindlessly accused her of the one thing she hadn’t forgiven her father for, the one thing that still caused a dull sense of pain. Like an echo, the pain grew fainter throughout the years but never went away. It continued to reverberate around her. Her father’s affair and ultimate abandonment changed her mother from a soft, delightful woman into a cynical shell who had to work two jobs because she wanted her daughter to have the best education possible. Catalina had grown up with one parent who didn’t want to be around her and one parent who wanted to be around but couldn’t because of their financial situation.
Sometimes it doesn’t matter what you do, her mother had told her many times.They’ll always find a reason to leave. Always be self-reliant, Cat.
Catalina had taken the lesson of self-protection to heart, and she never understood her mother more than when the accusation had flown from Trey’s mouth. Not only had the hurt broken her carefully constructed dam, but she felt her own heart becoming cool and empty. Self-reliance might be the only thing that could save her.
It was at this moment, when Trey was undoing the button of her shorts, sliding his hand down into the front of her underwear, and saying, “Let’s justforget about everything and fully take advantage of this accidental two-bed situation the resort put us in,” for her to realize that pretending things were fine was never going to happen.
Here they were inside a different bedroom, in another country, and Trey was being his sweet, charming self and running his hands over her. His body was big, hard, engulfing—it had always made her feel so protected before. With his slightly tousled wheat-colored hair and blue-green eyes reminding her of ocean glass, he’d never been an easy man to resist. Perhaps she could have forgotten their problems for a short time.
Until hetoldher to forget. And then she knew she never could. Self-reliance started now. He couldn’t protect her anymore, at least not from himself.
Catalina pulled herself away from him, snatching her enormous purse from the table and clutching it to her chest like a shield. “I’m going to take a shower and then maybe I’ll go read on the beach. You can go ahead and do whatever you want.”
His arms remained slightly outstretched as though he were holding onto the phantom version of her past self. They soon fell, along with his hopeful expression. “Cat. Please. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything that I’ve ever said.” But then his facial features contorted into one a little more bitter. “How long am I going to have to keep begging for forgiveness? How long are you going to punish me? I get this is my fault, and I deserve it, but I can’t stand feeling disconnected from you, and it’s driving me—” He scrubbed acrossthe back of his neck, clearly frustrated. “If you just let me—”
“No.”
They both stared at each other at an impasse, Catalina refusing to bend and Trey tired of bending all the time.
“What exactly are we doing here?” he finally asked.
She shrugged. “It’s a vacation, but you can do your thing and I can do mine.”
“You don’t want to be together at all?” He appeared devastated.
Catalina almost faltered, but she didn’t see the point.Be self-reliant. “I want to take a break from arguing, as I’m sure you do. Don’t you think this is the best way to go about it?”
“No.”
“Well, I do.”
Trey leaned forward, gripping the top of one of the chairs at the table before throwing a harsh glance in her direction. “We’re required to attend the timeshare presentation.”
