I am thirty-six years old and I have been fucked over a kitchen table by a woman in a black harness and I have come so hard I gushed on her floorboards and I do not want her to leave my body. I do not want this to be the part where she pulls out and gets a washcloth and sayslet's eat.I want her in me. I also want a thing I have not yet asked for. I have wondered about it, in a soft slow way, ever since she mentioned it to me when she was listing things to gain my consent for. I have never said it out loud to her. I have not said it out loud to myself.
I am going to say it now.
I turn my cheek on the wood. I look at her over my shoulder. Her hair is damp at the temple and her eyes are dark and she isbreathing slow on top of me and her hand is on my hip gripping me possessively.
"Max."
"Yes."
"I want…”
"Tell me."
I do not say it yet. I let my eyes ask. She watches my eyes. She knows. I see her see.
"Yes?" she says. Soft. "Say it, Evangeline."
"I want you in my ass."
The words come out plain in the end. As though telling her is easy.
The words come out the way she taught me to sayyesover the stove, careful, awake. They come out plain. They come out a little embarrassed at the edge of my mouth and then they steady.
She is silent a count.
"You sure?” she says.
"Yes."
"You've never done it before?”
"No. I just was thinking about it since you mentioned it.”
"Okay."
She slides out of me, slowly.
The dildo comes out of me wet and warm and a long ache follows it that is not a bad ache. I feel empty. I feel the cool of the kitchen between my thighs. I shiver. She puts her palm flat on the small of my back to keep me where I am.
"Stay there," she says.
"Yes."
"I'll be a minute."
"Yes."
"Don't move."
"I won't."
I hear her bare feet on the boards. I hear her go down the hall. I hear a drawer in the bedroom. I hear a cabinet in the bathroom. I hear water at the sink. I hear her come back down the hall.
I do not move.
I keep my cheek on the wood. I keep my arms out. I keep my feet spread. I let the cool of the kitchen be on my body. I let the come of myself dry on the inside of my thighs. I let myself lie open on the kitchen table and I let my whole body be a thing she is going to do something to that I have not asked anybody to do to me before.
I am wet again.
