“What’s wrong?”
I need to work on controlling my facial expressions, but it’s hard when I’m rocking back and forth between big and little. I wish I could slip right into little space, but my guard was way too far up. I wanted to blurt outspank me alreadyso we could get it over with and I could play. If I’d even be allowed to play. I spotted Rayna and Tinley in a play area building blocks up into the sky. Tinley’s stack was taller than her. They didn’t see me, and it was probably better that way. The last thing I wanted was to ruin their night.
“Safe word. Right.” I nodded. “Because this is a scene, and in scenes you have safe words.”
“Well, no, this isn’t a scene, Kylie.”
I tilted my head.
“No, this is part of the lifestyle. The community I belong to. The environment where I want to live with a special little girl someday. I want that little girl to be you.”
Suddenly, the air had left the room. I pulled at the collar of my dress.
“We aren’t negotiating here.” He sighed. “A safe word would be part of life, used any time you feel overwhelmed, need a break, or hit a hard limit. It can’t get you out of a punishment, but it will be necessary to get us on the same page as we learn each other.”
“You will always punish me if I mess up?” I looked up into those soulful eyes, trying to figure out what we were talking about.
“You don’t get punished for messing up.” He gripped my hands in his. “You are being punished for breaking the rules. What rules did you break, Kylie?”
“I don’t know.” The panic made my eyes twitch. “I’m so confused.”
“Hey.” He pulled me closer. “Take a deep breath for me.”
His voice grew distant and garbled. I could barely hear him. He placed his hand on my chest. “Deep breath in.”
I breathed in and held it.
“Now out.” His middle finger tapped the center of my sternum in time with my heartbeat. “That’s it.”
“I’m okay now.”
“One more time.” His hand grew heavy. “Breathe in.”
I inhaled and realized his thumb and pinky was touching my breast.
“Out.”
I exhaled and pulled his hand away from my chest.
“Have a seat.” But instead of on his lap like earlier, he sat me down on the bed next to him. “Let me get you some water.”
He leaned over and opened a cabinet next to the bed, which held a mini refrigerator. He uncapped the bottle and brought it to my lips. “Small sips.”
The cold water felt amazing on my throat. I wasn’t prone to panic attacks, but I was way out of my element, and I never thought I’d say that while in a playroom in a BDSM club on littles’ night. It used to be my happy place. Why was I wound so tight?
“I’m sorry, Kylie.” He seemed defeated. “I think I might have gone about this all wrong.”
“No,” I whined and placed a hand on his thigh to steady me. The world was a little fuzzy.
“Yeah, I never want to make you feel uncomfortable.”
“I’m not.” I took another deep breath.
“You are literally having a panic attack.” He brought the bottle of water to my lips again.
Would he believe me if I told him I have asthma?The thought made me giggle. That giggle turned into several giggles and then I couldn’t control myself. I fell back on the bed, holding my tummy and laughing.
Patrick’s eyes narrowed and the wrinkle on his forehead deepened. It made me laugh even harder.
