Staring at myself in the mirror, I wondered again what the hell I was doing here. Gideon had rejected me over and over again, and I thought he cared about me? I thought this marriage would last?
I was such an idiot.
IknewI wasn’t enough. I’d been taught that lesson over and over again. Henry had been right about me. My mother had been right about me. No one would ever want me for me. Not when my body didn’t work. Not when I was defective and stupid and silly.
It was the reason I couldn’t keep a man. The reason my business failed. The reason I had no friends. I wasn’t good enough for those things.
I shook the sound of my ex-fiancé’s voice from my mind and filled my lungs. I had to get through this event, and then I could leave. There was no matcha latte that could keep me here after tonight. I was wasting my time and breaking my own heart by hoping for the impossible. I wasn’t going to find a new home or a community orlove, of all things. That just wasn’t how my life was meant to go.
And that was okay.
I sucked in a long breath and let it out slowly as I counted to ten. Then I did it again. And again.
No one else would make me feel whole. I had to do that onmy own. Chasing men who didn’t want me had never worked; why did I think a marriage ceremony would change that?
I could leave here, and that didn’t mean I had to go back to my old life in Manhattan. Icouldstart over—on my terms. Somehow. I’d figure it out. I had to. I wouldn’t have Etta’s offer of start-up cash. I wouldn’t have free housing. But I’d have my self-respect. That would have to be enough.
Once I’d mastered my emotions, I straightened my spine and walked out of the bathroom. My heels clicked on the tile floors and then were muted when I stepped onto a rug. I re-entered the main party space, scanning the room for Gideon. His brothers were clumped in a corner, and Etta was still where I’d left her. More people had arrived, and the noise in the room pressed against me, vibrating into my skull.
I smiled at Betsy and nodded at Lola, who were sitting on a couch, and wove my way through to the solarium.
Mrs. Gretzinger accosted me. “You met Lenore,” she said.
“I did. Excuse me.”
“She was married within three months, you know.”
I paused, shrugging. “Why are you telling me this?”
“I just thought you’d like to know how quickly she moved on,” she said, and there was kindness in her intelligent gaze. “She pretends theirs was a tragic love story, but she moved on quicker than a snap of the fingers.”
But did he?
I held back the question, choosing instead to dip my chin in a nod and excuse myself again. I had to get out of here. Needed some fresh air. I stepped into the solarium?—
And stopped short.
Through the open French doors leading to the back garden,silhouetted by the feature lights in the hedges, were Gideon and Lenore.
Her bottom lip was trembling. She said something, and Gideon replied. I couldn’t hear their words. But I saw her fall into his chest, her arms clinging to his suit jacket. His arms circled around her, holding her carefully as she buried her head against his chest.
I took a step backward, and I must have made a noise, because Gideon’s head shot up. His eyes went wide, and he dropped his arms from around Lenore’s body.
I saw nothing more, because I’d already whirled around. I had to get out of this place.Immediately.
GIDEON
The look on Sadie’s face speared me through the heart and ripped the breath from my lungs. She’d looked hurt beyond belief. Betrayed.
I couldn’t make sense of it, couldn’t understand why she cared so much. I just knew I had to fix it.
Panic stabbed its claws into my gut—and then I was running.
NINETEEN
SADIE
“Sadie!” Gideon bellowed as I hurried out the front door and down the long drive. Guests were still arriving, lining up outside the front of the huge estate, and I was sure I would be the hot topic of conversation in town for weeks to come.
