I rushed onward, knowing that if I didn’t get the words out, they’d stay stuck halfway up my throat. “And now you and I are together, and I’m starting to… I’ve developed feelings for you, Gideon.” I inhaled. “I know how it feels to be betrayed by your body. It’s not the same thing,” I added, “because my problems are hidden and yours are on full display. But I still feel like a lesser person because of my issue. And if you feel the same way…and you only broke up with Lenore because you wanted to let her go…” I shook my head. “I guess I’m just asking if we’ve got a chance. You and me. Or if you still have feelings for her. She’s back now, so maybe that changes things for you.”
He looked at me like I’d been speaking a foreign language. “I didn’t break up with Lenore because I wanted to set her free of a life with me,” he grated. “Shebroke up withme.”
I frowned.
He let out a bitter huff. “Maybe not in so many words, but I could see the disgust in the way she looked at me when she came to see me in the hospital. It was a whole month after the fire when she finally showed up.” His eyes slid away from mine, lips twisting bitterly. “I waited and waited and waited for her, and she showed up with her hair done and a new designer purse on her arm. She looked at me like I was vermin, and then she told me she wasn’t the nursing type. So yeah, I said we should go our separate ways. I told her I wouldn’t hold her back. But it wasn’t because Ilovedher. In that moment, all the love I thought I had for her died. Like a switch flicking.”
Cold seeped into my bones. He’d been at his lowest, lying in a hospital bed with burns all down his left side, and then he’d been throughthat.
As if he wanted to drive the point home, he met my eyesand said, “I didn’t break up with her because I was some sort of selfless martyr. It was because I could tell her new man had bought her that purse, and there was nothing that would make her stay with—” His hands lifted off my body and settled back down again. A helpless, hopeless gesture.There was nothing that would make her stay withme.
“I’m so sorry,” I whispered.
“Don’t be.” His eyes were remote. He was still in the past. “That’s what people do. They let you down. Use you.”
The hell of it was, Iagreedwith him. I’d said those same words, thought them countless times. But hearing them spoken by Gideon in such a bitter tone made me want to rebuke them. I didn’t want to use him, and I hadn’t felt used by him. He’d let me down on our wedding night, but he’d more than made up for it.
Not everyone was like Lenore and Henry. Gideon wasn’t.Iwasn’t.
He sighed and met my gaze. Pale blue eyes circled my face, and he let out a long sigh. “I don’t know if we have a chance, Sadie,” he finally said. “I keep waiting for you to up and leave.”
Like I almost had twice already.
But that was before I’d bared myself to Gideon. Before I told him everything about me, all the lies and the secrets and the things I hated.
Now he knew, and he hadn’t turned his back on me.
“I’m not going anywhere,” I vowed.
He searched my face, looking for the lie. His grip on me tightened almost to the point of pain, and then suddenly he was standing. I yelped, wrapping my legs around his waist so I didn’t fall to the ground.
He marched us to the bedroom, kissing me the whole way. Then he threw me on the bed, took off my shorts, and used his mouth in other places. I gripped his hair and ground myself against him, breathless with pleasure. Wild with it. Through hazy eyes, I watched Gideon rut against the bed as he ate me out, like he couldn’t help himself. Like he was enjoying himself too much to stop himself from chasing his own pleasure any way he could.
I was so close. “Gid?—”
He grunted in response as he sucked my clit. I gasped.
“Gid,” I repeated. “Can you?—”
“What, baby?”
“I want…” I squeezed my eyes shut, breathless with fear and need and desperation.
“Tell me.”
“A finger. Just—I’m afraid it’ll hurt?—”
He lifted his head. His hips stilled. Breaths gusted out of him, brushing over my sensitive skin. “You want me to put a finger inside you?”
I bit my lip. Nodded.
He gritted his teeth, frowning. Shook his head. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
“I’ve been practicing,” I blurted, then flushed.
Gideon’s eyes went wide. I could feel fine tremors in his shoulders where they pressed against my inner thighs. He dropped his gaze to my center. Licked his lips. “You’ll tell me if it hurts.”
I nodded.
