“You want to?”
I blinked. “You mean—with you?”
His smile was wicked.
“I’ve never… It’s not usually something I do with someone else…”
Gideon shrugged and put the device back in the box. Impulsively, I picked it up again. My heart began to gallop. I held the soft silicone shaft and realized I’d never believed that I’d actually be able to put it inside me. It was too big, being maybe an inch in diameter and four inches long. When a single finger of mine was painful, that size might as well be the girth of a soda can. No, thank you.
But that was before Gideon. Before a week of good sex. Before the safety of his affection.
I thrust the dilator at him. “Okay,” I said. “Let’s do it.”
He softened, wrapping his hand around the pink silicone, then took me in his arms. He kissed me for a long time, then spent even longer stroking my body. By the time I’d taken my pants and underwear off, I was drenched.
Only then did he look at the dilator on the bedside table. My lube was beside it, and he flicked the cap open to squirt some onto his hand. It wasn’t inherently sexy. In fact, it was a little awkward. Clear goop covered his fingertips, glistening in the light of the bedroom.
“Spread your legs, love,” he murmured, and I did. His fingers were warm, but the lube was cool. I twitched at the feel of it, then exhaled when he pushed his finger inside me.
We’d done this a lot this week, but I still marveled at the feel of it. Gideon’s other thumb moved to my bud, exactly where I needed it. He knew my body as well as I knew it myself. I writhed on the bed as he watched the movement of his hands on my core, mesmerized.
“Gideon,” I whispered.
“Mm?”
“What if it doesn’t work?”
“What if what doesn’t work?”
“This. What if it’s too big?”
“Then we stop.”
“That’s it?”
His gaze flicked up to meet mine. His hands stilled, and then one palm moved up to stroke my lower belly. His finger slid out of me, and he rested his hand on my inner thigh. “You don’t have to do this, Sadie. I’m not going to be mad at you for something you can’t control.”
“But Ishouldcontrol it,” I said, and tears gathered in my eyes. I squeezed them shut and threw my arm over my face to hide my shame. “I just want to be fixed.”
“There’s nothing to fix.”
Isnorted.
Gideon’s hand wrapped around my elbow, and he pulled it off my face. He lay down beside me, silent. I turned my head on the pillow to meet his gaze, and we stayed like that for a long time. He had one hand on my stomach, the other curled under his head. He was so patient.
“In every romantic relationship I’ve ever been in,” I whispered, “my partner has pretended like everything is fine until they realize that actually, my body isn’t going to change. This is it.” I gestured to myself helplessly. “Their penis isn’t going to magically cure me. And then they start treating me like dirt, and they dump me.”
“You think I’m going to do the same.”
“Aren’t you?” I blurted. “This is fun now, but how long until you just want to get your dick wet? Until you ask me to open the relationship because you need something I can’t give you?”
My husband’s eyes flashed. He rolled on top of me, pinning my wrists to the bed. “Don’t fucking compare me to your loser exes, Sadie. Never again.”
Tears leaked down the sides of my face. “I don’t know what else to believe.”
“Listen to me when I say this.” He manacled my wrists to the bed, but his touch was soft. “You’re it for me. You are my wife. For better or worse. And if our bodies aren’t compatible the way men and women normally are, then we’ll find a thousand different ways to enjoy each other. I’ve had plenty of practice getting my dick wet,” he added, spitting my own words back at me. “Being with you is better than anything that came before.”
My lip trembled. Gideon watched me, and then, coming to a decision, he swore and sat up. He straddled me, his hipspinning mine to the bed. With one harsh movement, he tugged his long-sleeve T-shirt off over his head and tossed it to the floor. There he stayed, a silent challenge in his eyes.
