The Prince of Wales has landed in sunny California and was promptly rushed off to the Beverly Wiltshire. He has a series of engagement scheduled over the next two days which includes a red carpet appearance alongside his cousin, actress and screenwriter Leah Roughy. The two will be attending a gala recognizing the life of legendary British director Merrit Blackstone. The Prince was tapped to present an award. It will be a family affair and a nice change of pace for the Prince who has been mostly attending events in more casual clothes. The ladies of Los Angeles are no doubt atwitter at a prince in a tux.
“Can you just calm down and benormal, Leah?” I asked.
“Iamnormal,” Leah said. “Hey! Victoria, stop it!”
Leah’s oldest daughter stopped slapping her twin, Bobby. They fought over a handheld video game.
“But hestoleit!”
“No. You don’t want to wait your turn,” Leah called her out, her gaze intimidating.
“Why don’t you go watch telly in my bedroom, huh?” I asked.
Victoria grumbled, leaving her brother.
“They’re going to be the death of me!” Leah whinged to her wife.
“It’s fine,” I said. “They’re seven. There is nothing you can do, Leah.”
“I know. But I would love for them to just act normal.”
“This is normal,” Lourdes insisted.
The baby crawled across towards me, looking for another lap.
“So, if this is normal, get off my case,” Leah said. “I promise not toembarrassyou in front of the woman you are entangled with.”
“What does entangled mean?” Bobby asked.
“It means your uncle is neither confirmed as dating this woman—noncommittally—nor can he avoid her.”
“That isn’t true, Leah,” I protested. “I have already said she’s my girlfriend. Be nice to her. She’s pretty battered and it’s not easy being her.”
“Yes, Leah. Behave,” Lourdes warned. “He’s been so unsuccessful, that there is little grace given. He’s finally hooked one.”
Bobby snickered at my expense.
Leah raised an eyebrow. “I didn’t realize we’d codified this with a title?”
“We did,” I said. “While you were busy with life, I was preoccupied with this. And she’s been recovering from surgery while I galivant around. Poor thing.”
“Poor thing indeed. Like a lamb to the slaughter.”
Lourdes playfully slapped Leah’s arm. “Natalie! Calm down!”
“You know the more you act like being with me is a liability and project onto people, the harder it is to make it work. She’s wonderful. I love her. BenormalLeah. Stop being so dramatic.”
“That’s Mummy’s thing,” Bobby said.
He meant Lourdes, the more anxious of his mothers. Leah stifled a laugh and Lourdes glared.
Bobby asked, “What is wrong with Cousin Duncan’s girlfriend?”
Leah groaned. “Nothing. But being Cousin Duncan’s girlfriend is hard.”
That was stating the obvious.
“Youloveher?” Leah asked.
