I expected a playful “yes, mistress” or something. I got a bombshell.
“John knows. I confirmed it. I needed to tell you but there was no time, and I didn’t want to pass a note about it. He’s known a few days now. And… it is what it is. I didn’t want to hide it.”
My jaw dropped. “All this time? He’s said nothing.”
“I told him to let me tell you.”
“And your mother… oh my God, Duncan, she’s going to fire me!” My blood ran cold.
“No one is sacking you! Jesus, Ella. No!”
“But they must think I’m like some stupid bitch who is only?—”
He put his hand on my waist protectively. “Ella, stop. Please stop. No. John doesn’t think ill of you. If anything, he thinks ill of me. And… yeah I am sure it is a little awkward operating as if we are a couple while very much not operating this way. But, Eloise, I do think you need to panic. I knew you would.”
“Of course I would! I said we needed to get through the tour first! We’re only a third of the way through and everyone knows you’re just fucking me and?—”
“Shhhh,” Duncan silenced me. “No one thinks that. And even if they did, I wouldn’t hear it. I am notjustfucking you. I adore you. I wouldn’t have this if you weren’t here. I wouldn’t put up with it.”
“We are being filmedeveryday.”
“We get final say in what is released and Cressida is a family friend. I will not embarrass you. Do you trust me, Eloise?”
I shrugged. “As much as I can.”
He looked dissatisfied.
I rushed to explain. “Duncan, I have struggled to trust anyone in my life, okay? And I have valid fucking reasons. TheVincents are my only family as far as I am concerned—for a reason.”
“What, because you never let anyone in? It was sexy—it can be—but if this is to work, I need you to trust me and realize I am a person. You always see me as a person. Why can’t you trust I could beyourperson?”
I wasn’t sure how to respond, deflecting, “Duncan, you don’t mean that. You don’t meanyourperson. I’m a girl you’re having fun with. I am not the one you end up with. I’m not even girlfriend material.”
Wounded, he dropped my gaze.
The anger hit and he began to pack. “Eloise, that is so hurtful. Stop it!”
He left the bed and pulled on his jeans.
“Please, Duncan, I’m sorry. I don’t… I don’t know what to do here. I’m panicking and dodging and there is so much I should probably say but I don’t think you want to hear it.”
Duncan sighed, annoyed.
“Do you want to hear it? Because it’s a mess.”
He tossed his jeans down in sheer frustration and climbed into bed. “I want to hear it. I want you to let me in. And I don’t want you to say I don’t believe you are my person. Eloise, maybe you’re uncomfortable with being the girlfriend. I know the timing is shit. But… I want this. When we get home, I want this.”
“It will destroy my career. Do not make me choose?—”
“Why choose?” Duncan said. “Eloise, at the very least you could transition to something else. And even if you wanted to say fuck it and take some time off, I would support you. I would never let you want foranything.”
Yes, while we’re together. What about when you leave?
He had no idea how complicated my view of “trust” was—especially when it came to men. I hesitated, searching his face for a bit of security. By now, he calmed and was focused on me.
I spoke deliberately, “It is not that I don’t believe you care about me, Duncan. I love the way you make me feel. It is heady and intoxicating. You trulydoworship me—something I never thought any man would do. I love it. But… that sort of thing can blind you to reality. I am not princess material, Duncan.”
“I vehemently disagree. Also, I’m edging on forty, have never been married, and have had a live-in girlfriend before. If you are worried about pearl-clutching over me paying some of your bills, you are delusional. This is not 1950. I do not care what people think. People will think the world of you, darling.”
