“I know,” I admitted. “You are terrible at containing your feelings.”
He looked to me again. “And, thus, I am an open book. Ella, I do still love her in a way. I won’t blow smoke. But the way I love her is in some nostalgic world where everything was fine and broken all at once. The thing is, everything became toxic and the woman I fell in love with was never right for me. She just kept trying to change me. Yes, she rang me.”
“Why did you bother to answer?” I leveled, unsatisfied.
“As I said, I worried she might have another story from the press to warn me about. It wasn’t about wanting to get back together with her. As soon as I realized it wasn’t like that, I realized I didn’t want her back.”
“And calling her Joe?”
“It wasn’t about you. It was in case someone else went through my phone without authorization, Ella. I amparanoidand that’s why I never text you. It looks bad. I understand if you need time, but damn it, Eloise, I don’t want to have this ruin everything. Ask your friend. She called to interrogate me.”
“Mo interrogated you?”
“In French!”
I giggled. It could have been the pain meds, but it was so like her. She didn’t care who he was. She put him on blast for me.
“It was all worth it. She’s on a plane headed here right now. She wanted to stay with you since I cannot.”
The idea of him leaving saddened me, even if the promise of my bestie boosted me. I knew that meant something. I needed him. There was something there worth preserving.
“I will stay here until she arrives in the morning, Ella. But you know?—”
“No, it makes sense,” I said.
“I’m sorry, darling.”
“It’s okay,” I said. “Don’t stop on account of me. I spent hours helping book every aspect of this god damn trip. I want you to go. And this… I will have to try and trust you. I can’t understand loving someone when you care about someone else, but I can appreciate you went through a decade with her.”
He kissed my hand. “It’s over. I blocked her.”
He handed me his phone and showed me proof. “If something comes out, I will take it on the chin. But I cannot let her back in under any guise. If this is about us—about you and me—I want it to be free and clear, Eloise.”
He brushed my cheek and I didn’t pull away. “I plan to continue—working twice as hard to prove myself. I would hate for this goodwill tour to go to waste. When the woman I love put way too much work into it and I would blow it all up for some selfish reason.”
Did I wake up in another world? A world in which Duncanlovedme?
“You… you…” I stammered, unable to ask him what I wanted.
We were interrupted. “Miss Mills? Eloise Mills?”
A doctor appeared at the foot of the bed.
“I’m Doctor Hadid. I did your surgery,” he said. “How are you feeling?”
“I am sore.”
“You’re sore because we had to open you up quite a bit. But two or three weeks and you’ll be good as new.”
“I cannot be off work for that long. We’re supposed to be all over America?—”
“You have an open incision draining that was full of infection. You’ll be in the hospital for three or four days before we will even sew you up completely.”
I wanted to vomit thinking about that. Duncan didn’t flinch. Thank God one of us wasn’t squeamish.
“It’s going to be okay, darling,” Duncan said. “Promise.”
I had to trust him. And helovedme? What was that about? No man had ever told me that. It’s not liked I’d ever felt this much about anyone.
