I walked over to the sofa and dropped down on it, staring morosely at the dark, silent TV. Hell, was that a metaphor for the woman upstairs? Silent, and trapped in her own darkness, unable to find her way out?
“Hey, man. You’re doing all the right things,” Ice said, sitting on the end of the sofa, watching me stare into space like some kind of psycho.
“I just… I don’t know who just moved in here, because that’s not Glory. She… she was so fucking bright and sunny, and full of life, and now…” I jabbed a finger upwards, “that’s not her.”
“And you’re holding that against her?” He asked, his tone even despite the bite of his words.
“Of course not. I blamehim. That fucker destroyed her. I don’t even… I can’t… I want to…”
“He dies, man. That’s a given. We just have to decide when and where, but you can be the one to do it. Just know we’ll all want to help. We like fucking up abusers. Just ask Stitch, my VP. His old lady escaped a bastard like that, and we destroyed that fucker. The only way she’ll ever feel safe is to know he’s gone. You know that, right?”
I dropped my head back against the cushions, staring at the ceiling, which had no more information for me than the damn TV. Why weren’t the answers just written somewhere for me, so I didn’t have to blunder my way through the most important moments of my life?
“When I said that to her, she thought that meant I’m like him,” I finally admitted, and he snorted.
“I mean, sure she would. Right now violence is violence to her, and she can’t see the difference. Maybe once she sees him covered in tears and blood, and begging for mercy, she’ll understand that.”
“She’s not fucking seeing that happen!” I snapped, glaring at the fucker. Why the hell did I think he’d get it? He hasn’t been in her situation, or mine. He hasn’t had to watch his woman fade away to damn near nothing but a ghost, thanks to the abuse of some asshole who needed to be worm food.
“I’m just saying. That may not be up to you. Sometimes what empowers a person is seeing the demise of their abuser. Like Has. He’s fucking glowing these days. I swear, he’s getting annoying as fuck, so fucking happy all the time, but you know what? I’ll take that any day over the trauma he let his closest ones see. He’s proof though. There’s life after abuse. She just needs to follow the process, and know you’re there for her.”
“Of course I’m here for her.” My heart was upstairs with her right now, but I had no idea what she was saying to Lissa. What if she was telling her I’m just as bad as that fucker, and that she’s afraid of me?
“You get that your feelings are irrelevant, man, right? You do understand that?”
I dragged a hand down my face, my ability to process his words diminishing as I sank into the fear that I’d scared Glory away.
“Henley. Look at me, man. She’s going through hell, I mean, she’sbeenin hell. The last thing she needs is the burden of your feelings and stuff. You need to be there for her, and give her space, but for fuck’s sake don’t be trying to box her in right now. Don’t make her take on more than she’s dealing with. You add to her shit and you’re the first thing she’ll remove from her world once she’s seeing clearly.”
Gloria
Iended up eatingthree whole slices of pizza, three delicious gooey cheesy pieces of heaven.
“So, how do you feel about some video chats with me, so we can continue our conversation and give you an outlet for your feelings?”
I chewed my cheek. She was offering therapy. She was a therapist offering therapy, but I had nothing. No money, no identity even. I had to run with nothing but the charity-gifted cash for a train ticket, and a memorised number to call.
The charity had wanted to supply me with more, but I just wanted to run. I chickened out so many times, but Lenore had been so strong for me. Her team had literally seen me to the train, and waved me away as it left the station. I’d felt safe for about three seconds once that train moved.
“Gloria,” Lissa said gently, reminding me that I’d fallen back into my thoughts.
“Um. I can’t really afford-”
“No charge, babe. You’re part of the Phoenix family. You get priority and free support. That’s another way Pheonix is so different.”
“But… I’m not,” I whispered sadly, because it sounded like something I really wanted to be. Part of a family who actually cared. Part of something bigger than me. Bigger than Sean. Something safe and warm. Loving even.
“You’re important to Henley, and he’s a club brother. That’s how it works, babe. Besides, I like you, and I love talking to people I like.”
“How can you like me? I’m not sure I’m even a complete person anymore. I’m… I’m what’s left after he… and besides, I’m not sure H… Nate will want me here very long. I’m in the way. I’m a burden on him.”
Lissa smiled gently, patting my hand.
“He definitely doesn’t see it that way. I hear, the day you called, he dropped everything and ran. One of his brothers, Rocket, went with him to support. That’s how this family works. Can you just try for me? Try to let him learn how to know this version of you, the version that I’m going to call the ‘temporary version’ because you’ll get back the things you lost. It just takes time. He might mess up, but he means well. And I’ll talk to you as often as you like. I can come here as often as you like, if you prefer that to video chats. There’s no shame in accepting help, Glory. Whatever you’ve been led to believe about yourself, you’renot a burden. You’re not hard work. You’re not difficult. You’re a sweet person who deserves to be cared for. Let us care?”
Tears were burning my eyes, and I couldn’t hold them back any longer, feeling pathetic and weak for letting them out. Sean hated my tears, unless they happened while he was beating on me. Then he relished them.
“It’s okay, babe. Can I hug you? You can let it all out, I promise.” I nodded feebly, and she moved closer, wrapping an arm around my shoulders as I covered my face and sobbed like a baby. That’s what he called me if I cried. A baby. Pathetic. Weak. It was no wonder he had to correct my behaviour. I was an embarrassment.
