I was shaking my head because that wasn’t it. I didn’t need to be her priority, did I?
“No, sweetheart. You deserved better from him, and from me, because if I’d just been more vigilant I could have seen-”
“How could you when I didn’t? When everyone else we knew didn’t? Hell, there are still people in his life who have no idea. He’ll always be able to win people over because he’s so good at hiding the real him.”
“He fucking won’t. His days are numbered. I’ve called in the hit on him. Jesus, did I just say that? Like I’m some fucking mobster bastard who just does that?”
Glory cupped my cheeks in her palms, and fuck, all I wanted was to kiss her. She was so earnest and sweet, and I had to force myself not to move closer. It took every ounce of effort not to close the gap between us and assault the poor woman with my lips. Fuck me, the last thing she needed was advances from the person she was relying on to be her safe place.
“You’re not any of those things, Nate. You’re a good person. I get that this is so far out of the norm for you, but thank you.Knowing he won’t be around anymore is actually giving me a little strength, and I need that right now.”
Of course she did. She needed everything I could fucking give her, and I would. I’d give her the fucking world if she’d let me. The air from my lungs. The blood from my veins. Why am I getting so fucking dark and creepy?
“Glory, I-”
“Do you know why I don’t go by that name anymore?”
I hesitated, because of course I’d noticed that she didn’t respond to it, and acted nothing like she had before, but I hadn’t wanted to ask.
“Is it going to make me want to hit something?”
She pulled back and I cursed myself. What a dumbass thing to say to a fucking traumatised woman!
“Not you! Oh my god, never you! I’m not that person, and I don’t do things like that. I would never-”
Glory raised her hands at me.
“I know. I know. Just… yeah, it might make you pissed off. I don’t go by it anymore because he told me there was nothing glorious about me. That I was fake, and stupid, and pathetic, and ugly, and all the things he kept saying… I guess I started believing them. I mean, I did. I do. I’m having to fight a lot of things that are just living rent free in my head right now.”
Jesus fuck. I wanted to tear his fucking skin from his body while he screamed for mercy. I wanted to do that creepy shit from movies where they pluck off fingernails, and cut off fucking fingers and toes.
“Nate,” Glory backed up a few steps as she spoke, and I realised she was seeing that rage reflected back at her.
“Fuck,” I breathed, squeezing my eyes closed as I searched frantically for anything resembling zen, anything that’d calm me down and stop her thinking I’m the threat now.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, still not opening my eyes, because I couldn’t look at her right now, “I’m not angry at you. I could never be angry at you.”
Gloria
Even at his angriesthe didn’t scare me. Was it just because I knew he’d never ever raise a finger to hurt someone? Anyone? If not a stranger then definitely not me. Somehow I just knew it.
“I am,” I said in response to his words, surprising myself as much as him.
“What?”
“I’m pissed at myself. I should have listened. I should have opened my eyes sooner. I should have had the courage to walk when it first started happening. You know how men like that keep women tied to them? As well as the fear, it’s the way they act so sweet after, so heartbroken, like you know this isn’t me. I’m not like this. I didn’t mean to. And then it’s all you make me crazy, and that’s how you end up taking the blame for it.”
I sighed, leaning against the wall, surprised at my moment of clarity, at the fact that I could say these things now, when I hadn’t even really absorbed them as truth before today. Lissa’s talk with me today, or more accurately, her listening session, had really broken through to me somehow. I’d started to look at myself from outside, like it was through her eyes, and I could see all the mistakes I’d made. All the allowances I’d made for hisbehaviour. All the times I forgave when I should have screamed back at him, and kicked his nuts so hard he choked on them.
“I always thought I was strong enough to defend myself against a man like him, but they do it so gradually that you don’t really see what it is until it’s too late. First he isolated me from you, then my family, then everyone except him. Once he was all I had, there was nowhere to go. If not for Lenore and the charity, I’d probably never have had the courage.”
“Lenore?”
“She’s the one who saved me. She took one look at me and asked me the simplest question, but the one that saved my life. She lowered her voice and asked me ‘do you need help escaping him?’. I don’t know how she even worked it out, because I wasn’t letting my trauma be seen, but she saw through the exterior and recognised the damage beneath.”
“Thank fuck for her, whoever the hell she is. She sounds like an angel.”
I still thought that was what she was. She was beautiful, fierce as hell, and made me want to be like her. She had her blonde hair in a long bob, and wore little makeup, but she seemed to glow from within, something I realise she had long before she met that huge guy she’s with.
