“Alright, what’s going on? You’re acting like a stroppy teenager.”
He leaned on the gate beside me, and I sighed. “You don’t have to do this. Carry on with your shit, I’ll just stay here.”
He snorted, shoving his shoulder against mine, which I wish he’d warned me about first, because I nearly went facefirst into the dirt beside me.
“Fucker!” He grinned, facing me as I fronted at him.
“Go on, man. You know you wanna hit me or something. Get it out of your system. It’s all good.”
It’s not, and telling him was a bad fucking idea, but what choice did I have? I slumped back against the gate, my clenched fists falling to my sides.
“I fucked up, man.”
Rocket’s grin disappeared and he moved up beside me again, his next shoulder nudge a friendly gesture this time, rather than him trying to antagonise me.
“I’m listening.”
Fuck me. I didn’t even want to say it, because every time I remembered it, which was every ten seconds by the way, I wanted to punch myself.
“I kissed her.”
His sharp intake of breath was his only response.
“I know, I know. I fucked up. What the hell do I do now?”
He cleared his throat, waving Simon off as he took a step in our direction to join us.
“Not now, prospect.”
“You’re one too, fuckhead.”
He didn’t join us though, moving over instead to grab a broom and sweep up the dusty rubble from the stack of bricks that had been on the ground. The rebuild was moving on at last, and looking pretty good, for something that was barely knee high yet.
“I don’t know what to do.”
“How did she react? I mean, if she didn’t scream and run, or punch you in your tiny junk and leg it-”
“Dickhead. This is serious. This is my entire fucking life I’m talking about.”
He pouted at me. “I thoughtwewere your entire life. That hurts.”
I pushed away from the gate. “Fine. Don’t help then. I’ll just look for someone who’ll listen and fucking offer something other than snarky asshole behaviour!”
“Whoa.” He was serious now.
“Sorry, man. I was trying to lighten the mood a little. I don’t think you fucked it up. You didn’t say she ran or hid from you, so maybe she’s not as opposed to you as you might think.”
I smoothed my hand over the crappy leather of this damn prospect cut and grimaced. I couldn’t even stand proud before her as a patched in member. I was a temporary member in a situation where it could go either way. I was half in and half out. It was a fucking limbo I hated, especially when I felt like it mirrored my life with her. Half in and half out. Friends, but wanting more. Afraid to push her. Afraid to even let on how I felt. Jesus.
“Brother, just take a breath and tell me. I swear I won’t be a jackass this time. Sometimes I don’t know what side of me people want, but I’m trying.”
The poor guy looked devastated, and it wasn’t on him really. It was on me. On my inability to cope with his usual snark while I kept kicking myself for what I did.
“She didn’t run. She didn’t even tell me off. She just said it wasn’t bad but she’s not ready. I mean, what does that even mean?”
He clamped his lips shut, but I saw the twitch of a grin. He was trying, like he said.
“Go on.”
