But it was happening, and that’s what fucking counted.
Glory
Iwas sitting inthe panic room, chatting with Lissa and Lenore on a three-way call. Something that had all of us giggling at first.
“They went into that much detail?” She rolled her eyes. “They’re such bellends.”
Lissa was grimacing at the things I probably shouldn’t have said over the phone, but we’d been assured this was a secure connection, something that the likes of Ice and Grease, and that person called Nige, were all capable of putting in place.
“It should have stopped the nightmares though, right?” I was frustrated as hell, because I felt better in myself. I felt like I was moving on, and then those fucking dreams took me right back there. Last night Sean didn’t just kill Henley, but he took me with him and things went back to how they were, with me being his favourite thing to break.
“You went through years of trauma, Glory, those things don’t heal in minutes, or hours,” Lissa said gently, while Lenore nodded, “something that happened for years could take years to heal. It doesn’t mean it’ll always be like this, but it could take months before the nightmares stop.”
Great. Months? That’s bad enough, but years? God no.
“What can I do to speed that up, though? I’m not looking to ruin every night with poor Henley like this.”
Lenore visibly bristled at that, and Lissa fought to hide her smile, because they were just getting to know each other, but she already knew Lenore was a fists first kind of woman protector, and this was step one.
“If he’s pressuring you-”
“My god, of course he isn’t. He’s being incredibly sweet and patient, as he always was. I just feel like I’m bringing so much drama to his life. He’s a simple kind of man, not unintelligent, just likes things easy and calm.”
“Don’t we all,” Lenore murmured, and Lissa grinned suddenly.
“Yet you work for those two… men…”
Lenore laughed, lifting her hands. “What can I say? I like beating up dickheads.”
Lissa sobered again and I knew her focus was back on me, which was really starting to feel like way too much pressure. Perhaps this three-way call wasn’t the great idea I’d thought it would be.
“Glory, you’re making remarkable progress, and I know you want to keep seeing that keep improving, but the fact is that healing comes with ups and downs-”
“And not the good kind,” Lenore interjected.
“Sadly not, at least not always. You’re going to have better days, and you’re going to have days where things are pressing down on you again. It’s okay to feel those things, because how can you move past them if you keep pushing them aside? They don’t go away. Human nature seems to be to avoid pain, but it’s a natural part of life-”
“Especially for women,” Lenore interrupted again.
“And, as I was saying, we go through the pain so we can come out the other side and focus on healing. You had more pain than anyone should, so now’s your time to focus on the healing. I’msorry to say this, but Henley isn’t your priority. You are. He’ll be there no matter what, he’s made that clear, so you need to focus on healing for YOU. Getting past things for YOU. Getting back to what you love, the things you enjoyed before they were taken from you. You didn’t choose to give up your life, it was taken, but now you have it back. Use it. Live, learn, scream when you have to.”
She hesitated then, as if she expected another Lenore interruption, but the blonde woman was simply nodding in agreement.
“He suggested I speak with Rocket, because we’re both artists, or at least… I was. I was an artist and tattooist, but… but Sean said tattoos are for thugs and whores.”
I took a breath and lowered the collar of my shirt, so they could see the scarring that remained from the tattoo removal. They both frowned, leaning closer.
“He insisted on mine being removed. They were a part of me, but he said he wouldn’t marry a whore. I loved him so…” I glanced down as I rearranged my shirt, “so I gave in. I let him erase parts of me that can never be resurrected. They’re gone.”
Lenore was grumbling under her breath, so Lissa spoke over the sounds.
“They’re not gone. They’re still a part of you, whether others can see them or not. I hate that you were forced to erase the statements you’d made about yourself, the ink you chose, because it told your story. You’re writing a new story now, and your body is yours and only yours, Glory. Let that side of you back out, and remind yourself that you’re strong, and beautiful, and you own your skin.”
“Kinda want to peel his off again,” Lenore muttered, and Lissa and I exchanged a horrified look.
“Peel it off?”
Lenore grinned wickedly.
