I bit the inside of my cheek. “Because he held us together. My father was proud of him, always talking about his boy and praising him. He always cleaned up my messes and spent time with me because my parents were always mad at me. I had behavioral problems, never focused in school, and I was careless and disorganized.”
“Did you ever get diagnosed with ADHD as a child?”
I arched my brow. “No. My parents thought I was acting out for attention. Only time my dad took me to the doctor was physicals for track, but eventually, I stopped playing sports so it was pointless. Doctors see problems, and I never wanted to deal with my issues until it bit me in the ass.”
“Do you think they would have noticed anything?”
“I have scars. At the time, they were fresh cuts. So yeah. It was hard hiding them when I had track and during dancing, but I kept them higher up and on my hip so no one could see them unless they looked closely. Even when I had partners, they weren’t concerned about my scars.”
“Nothing that happened to you is your fault. From what you’ve told me, it sounds like you had and might still have attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, or ADHD.”
“I’m not hyper, though.”
“ADHD is more than just being hyperactive. It affects everyone differently. Disorganization, trouble focusing, and your so-called behavioral issues are all symptoms. It can affect you as an adult as well.”
I leaned forward, pressing my hands to my face. “A ball of trauma and now add this to the mix. God, I should’ve just died. If Nathan was alive, I wouldn’t be dealing with this.” I leaned backinto the chair.Fuck, maybe this wasn’t a good idea.“I don’t know why I thought therapy and talking about my issues would be a good idea.”
“You’d be surprised at how many people feel the same way you do right now, but in the end, it helps. You have years worth of trauma to unbag, and I am fine with listening or we can be done until our next session.”
I still have an hour before I have to get to the club, so I might as well finish the trauma dumping for the day. Squirming in my seat, I took a shaky breath. “I was in love with this man. He was a lot older than me, captivating me with his pretty eyes and his tattoos. My dad hated him, but it made me love him more. Falling in love with him was intense. It was all consuming and desperate. He charmed me, spoke pretty words, and made me think he would take me away from my life. I wanted the white picket fence and a couple kids running around. You know, the American dream…only for it to be a false reality. I—he…” I inhaled, feeling my skin burn at the memory. “He sold me to a gang leader in New York. I didn’t know Dominic was in a gang until I ended up at his house. Liam raped me. I was defenseless against it. I was far from a virgin, but it felt like I was being split in two.”
She scribbled in her notepad. “You know it’s not your fault, right?”
I shrugged my shoulders. “The nurses, the doctor, and now you keep telling me it's not my fault. My dad found me. The bastard saved me, but he still blamed me. If I was a good daughter, I wouldn’t have been raped and stabbed.”
“When did you get stabbed?”
“I called my dad because I thought Dominic blew me off. He freaked out because he knew where I was. Apparently, the FBI was tracking him. While Liam was inside of me, my dad and hisagents raided the house. Liam stabbed me, rupturing my spleen, before my dad killed him.”
“How have you been coping with this?”
“Not having sex,” I blurted sarcastically. “Sorry. Uhm. I haven’t really processed it. I left New York and came here without anyone knowing. No one knows yet, so please don’t call my dad or anyone else and tell them I am here. I was fresh out of the hospital. My dad blamed me for the situation, and I couldn’t handle it.”
“You are an adult, Kadence. What we discuss here is between us.”
By the end of the session, I spilled my guts to this stranger. She prescribed me lorazepam to help with my anxiety and panic attacks, so hopefully I wouldn’t be so jumpy anymore, but who knew. It felt good talking about my trauma without feeling judged. Annika was right. This woman was fantastic. If my father ever did find me, I was sure he’d flip a gasket for the way I talked down on him. The bastard deserved it and then some, but maybe now I could focus on me and heal every part of myself.
CHAPTER 27
KADENCE
Annika squeezed my hand gently as we walked into the club. After my trauma dump with Dr. Williams, I felt better. I knew healing was not linear, and sometimes healing meant feeling worse before getting better but still embracing the journey. It was going to take more than one session with her for me to be okay again, but talking to her took this deafening weight off my shoulders.
Hunter smirked at me as Annika continued to walk into the club. “Can I bartend tonight?” She arched her brow. “I think it’s better to do that for a few hours, and then I can start serving drinks.”
She nodded. “I’ll inform Jax. How are you feeling?”
“I started therapy, so I guess I’m going to be okay eventually.”
Her brows furrowed, but she hid it quickly. “You don’t have to worry about that happening again. We have extra guys here tonight. Nothing like that usually happens, but we dealt with him.”
“Thank you.”
For five days, I’d been paranoid that Blaize or Hunter would call Annika and tell her to keep me from coming back. It was myfirst night, and I had a panic attack. If I would have done it in private instead of in view of everyone and without beating that man, I could have pretended I was okay, but I also knew I wasn’t.
I’m planting roots here already, creating friendships I never had and growing a bond with Hawke. This place already felt like home, but I sounded insane. It’s technically been a month and a half since I came to Westhaven, but I’ve spent almost a month of that time surrounded by amazing people. Westhaven felt safe, and the people I was surrounding myself with were starting to feel the same.
Hunter directed me to follow her as she strutted into the main floor. There was already a growing crowd and girls dancing. Ivory glanced my way and gave me a bright smile. A few of the girls checked on me during my week away, which made my heart swell. It was odd having people worry about me, but I wasn’t going to let my insecurities ruin these new friendships.
