She stops, standing over Jax and my back tenses. Is she flirting with him? But somehow he manages to lie still and not fall to his knees thanking God for the attention she’s bestowing on him so maybe he really is dead.
Which is lucky for him because if he so much as lifts a finger in her direction, he will be a dead man, friend or no.
5
Sterling
Out of the corner of my eye, I see Tanner over by the firepit stacking wood, the muscles in his broad back flexing and shifting under the thin white cotton of his t-shirt.
Why does he always look so good? Even doing manual labor, he looks like he’s shooting a music video. I mean, I get it – he’s a rock star. I eat up his socials, not that I’d ever admit it, and I try to at least limit it to the ones that don’t have my brother front and center acting like he’s god’s gift to humankind. Compared to Noah, Tanner’s always been a little bit more laid back, mysterious, moody. Everyone wants to know the secrets of the front man for the biggest band in the world. The word choice the articles always use to describe him – impenetrable, untouchable, otherworldly – it makes me roll my eyes. He’s totally human. I’ve seen the guy stuff his face with pizza more times than I can count, goofing around with my brother while they burp the alphabet. Or at least they did when they were sixteen. But the articles are not completely wrong. There’s something special about him, like he holds himself apart. He’s always been a bit standoffish.
Especially with me.
It wasn’t always this way. When he first started coming around, he was shy, like he didn’t want to intrude. I get it, being around sick people isn’t something many people are comfortable with. But after a while, he became a fixture in our house, and he didn’t ignore me. Not too many teenage boys would be willing to play board games and Mario Kart tournaments with a sick kid. But he did. He was my friend, my only friend outside of Noah, for the longest time. Being out of school for medical appointments and surgeries was hard. It meant I didn’t have a lot of friends. Recovery meant I couldn’t go outside and play, couldn’t join any sports teams, and because I was never around, I didn’t get invited to sleepovers and parties.
But Tanner would roll in with Noah, gently shift my legs on the couch and start unpacking Monopoly, Life and Risk while Noah hit up the kitchen for grilled cheese and cookies. I didn’t have much of an appetite most days, but I didn’t want to be left out, so I’d manage half a sandwich and a cookie or two.
I don’t know when my teenage heart decided it loved Tanner Steele more than anything in the whole world. Maybe it was right before my transplant and we couldn’t come out to the summer house for the Fourth of July because I was so weak. I felt so bad about everyone missing out on the fun because of me. Tanner knocked on my door and told me there were fireworks happening, but I couldn’t get a good view of them from my window. He picked me up and carried me downstairs to the backyard where my mom had set up one of the loungers with blankets and pillows so I could lie in the warm summer air and see the bursts of light. I was still weeks away from getting my transplant at that point, but that night, sitting next to Tanner while the hiss and pop of the explosions sounded and the trailing sparkles of red, blue and gold fell against the inky blackness of the sky, I knew I would be okay.
And as Tanner gathered me close in his arms and walked me down the stairs so I could participate in the night, my heart exploded and fell apart like one of those fireworks.
A few weeks later we got the call saving my life, and I was transported to hospital immediately. I couldn’t wait to start my life and do all the things normal teenage girls do. I couldn’t wait to see Tanner.
But after the surgery and the therapy and the physio when I started to finally live a normal life, it was like the boy I knew never existed. There were no more Mario Kart tournaments, no movie nights throwing popcorn at each other, just nothing. I know the boys were busy with their music, it was probably around then they decided to put together a band and I assume having a teenaged girl hanging around wasn’t cool.
Then they signed their record deal, and everything changed.
Five years ago. And Tanner hasn’t really been home, at least home here, since then. A feat that took some creative scheduling, especially since Mom and Dad love him like a son, but he stays away most holidays, and doesn’t come home to visit when I’m here. Sometimes he and Noah fly Mom and Dad out to California or my parents head to New York for quick trips. Even at Christmas, he always sends lavish gifts but never comes home with Noah, even if Kingmaker is taking a break. Noah says Tanner is always working.
But he is here now. Staring at me across the lawn. He’s wearing sunglasses so I can’t be sure exactly what he’s looking at, but my heartbeat quickens, and my skin is flushed and he’s the only one who makes me feel this way.
Just like I don’t know exactly when I fell in love with him, I have no idea what I did to make him want to stay away.
Claire giggles beside me and I snap back to reality. Guests will be arriving soon and I’m looking forward to the buffer of a bunch of people mingling around so I can pretend Tanner isn’t even here. Blaine and Slade arrived this morning, with one of their brothers and my mom has been fussing over them ever since. Claire definitely has her eye on the brother, Tristan, who I think is in the military and looks enough like the twins I had to do a double take, but it turns out he’s two years older and on military leave before heading out to the family ranch after this party.
Claire’s peppering him with questions and he’s answering in a gorgeous Texas drawl that has her giggling when he calls her “ma’am.”
I nudge Ajax with my knee to make sure he’s still alive and his hand comes up to shield his eyes as he peers up at me. “What’s up, princess?”
“Mom sent me out to see you guys want something to drink.” I wrinkle my nose, “and don’t call me that.”
His striking grey eyes meet mine as he smirks. “It’s what Tanner calls you. Lemonade will do, princess.”
Childish as it is, I stick my tongue out at him.
“I can give you something else to do with that—” he lets out a shout as ice cubes rain down on his head, bouncing off and hitting me in the legs. “What the—”
“Watch your mouth, Jax. She’s Noah’s little sister.”
I’m rooted to the spot as Ajax glares up at Tanner. “I didn’t mean anything by it,” he says before looking over at me. “I’m sorry, Sterling.”
I shoot my own daggers at Tanner. I’m not offended in the least. Lord knows I heard worse at university. Plus, the guys in the band might flex and flirt but they’ve never made a move on me and likely never will with Noah and Tanner hovering around. “Don’t worry about it, Jax.”
He rubs the back of his neck, wiping off the ice and tilts his head towards Claire and Tristan. “They seem to be hitting it off. Is your boyfriend coming later?”
Out of the corner of my eye I notice Tanner go still. Did I imagine his jaw tightening?
“Um, no. We broke up.” I wince a little, bracing myself for the inevitable questions. I was ignoring as much as I could, hopeful we’d get through this party together in a childish attempt to have Tanner see I had a boyfriend and wasn’t totally repulsive, but it came to a head the night before I was set to fly home when Jake “surprised” me by inviting an escort to my apartment for a threesome. When the bell rang, I thought it was pizza. Instead, it was the wake-up call I needed to see what a selfish ass he is.
