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I nodded again, mostly just so that I would have something to do. I couldn’t believe that only twenty minutes ago, I’d been eating icing and making out with Henry. “I’ll call him,” I said, trying to sound competent and together, and not like I was feeling, which was the exact opposite.
“Good,” my mother said. She rested her hand on my shoulder for just a moment, and then she was gone, heading upstairs, calling to my father.
Fifteen minutes later, each of us taking one arm, my mother and I got my father down the stairs and into the backseat of the car. The change in my dad from just that morning was startling—his skin had taken on a grayish tone, and there were beads of perspiration on his forehead, and his eyes were, for the most part, closed tightly against the pain that he was so obviously feeling. In the past, I could not remember my father ever complaining about his own discomfort, and I’d never seen him cry. But now his forehead was furrowed, and he was making a low moaning sound in the back of his throat that scared me in a way that nothing else yet had.
When Murphy saw us loading my dad into the car, he rushed full-out down the driveway, and scrambled up into the backseat. I reached for him, but he darted past me and settled behind the driver’s seat.
“Taylor, would you get the dog?” my mother asked, as she put a large duffel bag on the passenger seat. I was about to ask what it was, when I realized that it was probably clothes in case she—or my dad—had to stay over.
I reached for Murphy, who tried to get away, clearly only wanting to be where my dad was. “Stop it,” I said, more sharply than I needed to, as I snatched him up and shut the car door.
“I’ll call with updates,” my mother said, climbing behind the wheel.
“Okay,” I said, holding tight to the dog, who seemed to be ready to make a break for it again. “I’ll be here.” I made myself smile and wave as the car backed down the gravel driveway, even though my mother was concentrating on reversing, and my father’s eyes were closed.
When it disappeared from view, the dog seemed to droop a little in my arms. I stroked his wiry head, and felt myself let out a shaky breath. I knew exactly how he felt.
Fortunately, Gelsey was too excited about the carnival to ask many questions. When she got home from Nora’s, I told her that Dad had a doctor’s appointment, which I figured sounded much less scary than going to the hospital, and she simply accepted it without question.
I flat-ironed Gelsey’s hair while she took calls from Nora on her cell, getting an update every time there was an outfit change. As I stood behind my sister and looked at her excited expression in the mirror, as she giggled with her best friend, I felt both envious that she could still be this lighthearted, and anxious knowing that soon, she wouldn’t be laughing like that. That none of us would.
Once her hair was straight—and with hair as curly as Gelsey’s, it took a while—I had her sit on the bathroom counter while I did her makeup, less than she wanted, but probably more than my mother would have approved of. When I was finished, I twisted the cap back on my mascara and stepped back so that she could take in her reflection.
She leaned closer, examining her new self closely. “What do you think?” she asked. “Do I look like you?”
I stared at her. She had wanted to look like me? I blinked, then smoothed down the back of her hair. It actually explained why she’d wanted it straightened. “You look better,” I said, smiling at her through the mirror. Gelsey smiled back at me for a moment before her phone rang, and she hopped off the counter, already chattering to Nora as she headed down the hall to her bedroom.
Kim and Jeff were driving the girls to the carnival, so they came over with Nora. “Where are Katie and Rob?” Kim asked me as Gelsey and Nora got their purses and checked the mirror one last time. “Is everything okay?”
“They had to go to Stroudsburg,” I said, trying to keep my voice level. I looked over at Kim and saw that she was still waiting for more, worried. “To the hospital,” I said, and I lost control of my voice on the last word. I took a deep breath, knowing that I had to keep it together for just a few more minutes, so I wouldn’t ruin my sister’s night.
Kim nodded, and even though I could see she wanted to, she didn’t ask any more questions, for which I was grateful, since I didn’t have the information to answer them. “Well,” she said after a moment, “just please let us know if there’s anything we can do. Your dad’s in our thoughts.”
“Actually,” I said, “would it be okay if Gelsey slept over?” I wasn’t sure when—or if—my mother was getting back tonight, and this just seemed like a way to buy some time.
“Of course,” Kim said. She smiled. “Nora asked me the same thing, so I was going to ask your mom. Gelsey!” she called, heading over to join Jeff, who was fruitlessly trying to get Murphy to fetch. “Want to stay over after the carnival?”
The prospect of a sleepover and the not-date raised the decibel level in the living room significantly, and Murphy finally escaped and fled to my room, no doubt seeking solace under my bed. When Gelsey and Nora were finally ready, they all piled into the Gardners’ Prius, waving at me through the back window as the car headed down the street.
I watched them go, then closed the door, walked inside, and sat down on the nearest couch to think. I couldn’t get my mother’s words out of my head when she asked me where I had been. And I knew why I hadn’t told her—because of how silly and frivolous it would make me look. I wasn’t around to help out with my father because I’d been giggling like I was Gelsey’s age and kissing Henry. I hadn’t been where I was needed. What was happening with my father was more important than my summer romance, and I shouldn’t have let myself forget it.
But it was more than that, I realized as I got up and paced to the kitchen, getting a Diet Coke I didn’t really want out of the fridge. It was how I’d come to depend on Henry, how I’d been running over there every night when I needed to be consoled. What would happen when he wasn’t there? What would happen when the summer ended and I went back to Stanwich and had to learn how to be without him? From what my dad’s doctors had said, we had all been expecting that we would make it through the summer. But nobody was really hoping for beyond that. And if I was dealing with a terrible breakup on top of just losing my dad—I couldn’t really let myself even finish that thought. Feeling the need to stay in motion, as though I could somehow escape this, I walked outside, closing the screen door behind me, heading down the driveway to the dock.
ded again, mostly just so that I would have something to do. I couldn’t believe that only twenty minutes ago, I’d been eating icing and making out with Henry. “I’ll call him,” I said, trying to sound competent and together, and not like I was feeling, which was the exact opposite.
“Good,” my mother said. She rested her hand on my shoulder for just a moment, and then she was gone, heading upstairs, calling to my father.
Fifteen minutes later, each of us taking one arm, my mother and I got my father down the stairs and into the backseat of the car. The change in my dad from just that morning was startling—his skin had taken on a grayish tone, and there were beads of perspiration on his forehead, and his eyes were, for the most part, closed tightly against the pain that he was so obviously feeling. In the past, I could not remember my father ever complaining about his own discomfort, and I’d never seen him cry. But now his forehead was furrowed, and he was making a low moaning sound in the back of his throat that scared me in a way that nothing else yet had.
When Murphy saw us loading my dad into the car, he rushed full-out down the driveway, and scrambled up into the backseat. I reached for him, but he darted past me and settled behind the driver’s seat.
“Taylor, would you get the dog?” my mother asked, as she put a large duffel bag on the passenger seat. I was about to ask what it was, when I realized that it was probably clothes in case she—or my dad—had to stay over.
I reached for Murphy, who tried to get away, clearly only wanting to be where my dad was. “Stop it,” I said, more sharply than I needed to, as I snatched him up and shut the car door.
“I’ll call with updates,” my mother said, climbing behind the wheel.
“Okay,” I said, holding tight to the dog, who seemed to be ready to make a break for it again. “I’ll be here.” I made myself smile and wave as the car backed down the gravel driveway, even though my mother was concentrating on reversing, and my father’s eyes were closed.
When it disappeared from view, the dog seemed to droop a little in my arms. I stroked his wiry head, and felt myself let out a shaky breath. I knew exactly how he felt.
Fortunately, Gelsey was too excited about the carnival to ask many questions. When she got home from Nora’s, I told her that Dad had a doctor’s appointment, which I figured sounded much less scary than going to the hospital, and she simply accepted it without question.
I flat-ironed Gelsey’s hair while she took calls from Nora on her cell, getting an update every time there was an outfit change. As I stood behind my sister and looked at her excited expression in the mirror, as she giggled with her best friend, I felt both envious that she could still be this lighthearted, and anxious knowing that soon, she wouldn’t be laughing like that. That none of us would.
Once her hair was straight—and with hair as curly as Gelsey’s, it took a while—I had her sit on the bathroom counter while I did her makeup, less than she wanted, but probably more than my mother would have approved of. When I was finished, I twisted the cap back on my mascara and stepped back so that she could take in her reflection.
She leaned closer, examining her new self closely. “What do you think?” she asked. “Do I look like you?”
I stared at her. She had wanted to look like me? I blinked, then smoothed down the back of her hair. It actually explained why she’d wanted it straightened. “You look better,” I said, smiling at her through the mirror. Gelsey smiled back at me for a moment before her phone rang, and she hopped off the counter, already chattering to Nora as she headed down the hall to her bedroom.
Kim and Jeff were driving the girls to the carnival, so they came over with Nora. “Where are Katie and Rob?” Kim asked me as Gelsey and Nora got their purses and checked the mirror one last time. “Is everything okay?”
“They had to go to Stroudsburg,” I said, trying to keep my voice level. I looked over at Kim and saw that she was still waiting for more, worried. “To the hospital,” I said, and I lost control of my voice on the last word. I took a deep breath, knowing that I had to keep it together for just a few more minutes, so I wouldn’t ruin my sister’s night.
Kim nodded, and even though I could see she wanted to, she didn’t ask any more questions, for which I was grateful, since I didn’t have the information to answer them. “Well,” she said after a moment, “just please let us know if there’s anything we can do. Your dad’s in our thoughts.”
“Actually,” I said, “would it be okay if Gelsey slept over?” I wasn’t sure when—or if—my mother was getting back tonight, and this just seemed like a way to buy some time.
“Of course,” Kim said. She smiled. “Nora asked me the same thing, so I was going to ask your mom. Gelsey!” she called, heading over to join Jeff, who was fruitlessly trying to get Murphy to fetch. “Want to stay over after the carnival?”
The prospect of a sleepover and the not-date raised the decibel level in the living room significantly, and Murphy finally escaped and fled to my room, no doubt seeking solace under my bed. When Gelsey and Nora were finally ready, they all piled into the Gardners’ Prius, waving at me through the back window as the car headed down the street.
I watched them go, then closed the door, walked inside, and sat down on the nearest couch to think. I couldn’t get my mother’s words out of my head when she asked me where I had been. And I knew why I hadn’t told her—because of how silly and frivolous it would make me look. I wasn’t around to help out with my father because I’d been giggling like I was Gelsey’s age and kissing Henry. I hadn’t been where I was needed. What was happening with my father was more important than my summer romance, and I shouldn’t have let myself forget it.
But it was more than that, I realized as I got up and paced to the kitchen, getting a Diet Coke I didn’t really want out of the fridge. It was how I’d come to depend on Henry, how I’d been running over there every night when I needed to be consoled. What would happen when he wasn’t there? What would happen when the summer ended and I went back to Stanwich and had to learn how to be without him? From what my dad’s doctors had said, we had all been expecting that we would make it through the summer. But nobody was really hoping for beyond that. And if I was dealing with a terrible breakup on top of just losing my dad—I couldn’t really let myself even finish that thought. Feeling the need to stay in motion, as though I could somehow escape this, I walked outside, closing the screen door behind me, heading down the driveway to the dock.
