Elle’s eyes focused, and she realized she’d been staring at herself in the full-length mirror without even really seeing anything. “Okay.”
“Your mom came by last night. You were asleep. She left this and wanted you to take it before we leave.” Beth held her hand out and offered the small blue pill.
“What is it?”
“It’s for anxiety, to help you get through the day.”
She stared at the medication while making up her mind. Did she want to feel everything? Or did she want to simply move through the motions and get it all over with? She snatched the pill from Beth’s hand and swallowed it quickly.I’ve felt enough, she thought.I can’t handle more feelings.
By the time they reached the funeral home, the effects had set in and rendered Elle next to numb. Devon’s casket sat at the other end of the room, amid all the flowers. A large US flag was draped over him, the corner of it attached to the inside of the casket lid so it flowed over him in memorium. His picture while on active duty in the Army was displayed on an easel at his feet. She walked on unsteady heels toward him,for the last timeon repeat in her mind. The closer she got, the slower she walked, until she could no longer deny the truth.
Devon Kane lay in wake in the casket in front of her.
Her knees buckled, and she crumpled to the floor before anyone could grab her. She felt strong arms snake under hers and lift her off the floor then place her in the pew. She looked up and recognized the face of one of the men from the hospital waiting room.
“Thank you,” she mumbled.
“You’re welcome, my dear,” he replied and went back to his seat.
The pastor was talking to Devon’s parents when he moved behind the pulpit. Her stomach dropped, knowing his memorial service was actually about to begin. It was all real. Every last horrible detail of it. Everything seemed to happen in slow motion, as if she watched from outside her own body.
“Shadow!” An older woman bellowing drew her out of her misery for a moment. “Get up out of that casket right now!”
“Liz, this is not the time,” one of the women hissed at her. Elle continued watching the scene play out, feeling detached from reality.
“It’s the perfect time. I’m not falling for his trickery. We all know he’s not really dead. This is just to throw everyone off his trail. Shadow, this is your last warning!”
One of the women jumped up and rushed to Liz, trying to stop her. But Liz was obviously a spry little old lady because she evaded capture and rushed the casket. While attempting to climb on top of it, she yelled, “I’m coming to collect my kiss, Shadow. And I’m going to use the tongue. You’d better jump up out of there unless you wantle tongueinle French kiss.”
Two of the big, burly men jumped up and ran to her, picking her up off the casket just before she reached his face. She struggled against them, craning her neck in an attempt to reach him.
“For the love of God and all things holy, get off Shadow’s casket, Liz!”
“Wait a minute,” Liz replied solemnly. “Then Shadow’s really gone?”
“Yes, Liz. Shadow is really gone.” He pulled her into his arms and consoled her while they made their way back to the pew. Elle knew exactly how Liz felt, even though she didn’t know Liz at all.
“I’m so sorry, everyone. Shadow and I always teased and played jokes on each other. I meant no disrespect,” Liz announced.
“We know, Liz. Devon told us all about you.” Tracey smiled through her tears. “It’s okay.”
Several men entered the room and took Devon away, wheeling the casket out of the room and away from them. The pastor cleared his throat, choking back emotion, and began the eulogy.
“We’re here to celebrate the life of a man who lived his life shrouded in darkness so others may enjoy the freedom of living in the light. His selfless sacrifices didn’t lessen the impact he had on others’ lives, as we can see from simply looking around the room. His many friends and family are here to pay last respects to a man who rushed into situations everyone else ran away from.
“His wish was to be cremated, but I don’t know if most of you were aware of the stipulations he made. He asked that his ashes not be put into an urn. There will be no remains or plaque to visit. He wanted his ashes to be made into a white gold ring that bears his fingerprint. The inscription will read, ‘You’re my girl—forever,’ and it’s for someone very special to him.”
Elle’s gaze snapped up to the pastor’s in shock. Tears ran down her cheeks though she paid no attention to them. The pastor smiled sadly at her before he continued. “Miss Elle Moore, his mother told me just this morning the ring will be delivered to you in about four weeks. He loved you very much and wanted you to be happy above all else.”
The rest of the eulogy was lost to Elle. Once the tears started, they wouldn’t stop. Once the tidal wave of feelings hit her, she drowned in them—every single one. The onslaught was terrible, but the memories they evoked also brought the many happy times, and that comforted her. By the end of the service, she was completely spent.
The four weeks following the funeral were hell on earth for Elle. The first week, everyone stayed to help tie up loose ends. And all of them hovered over her as if she would shatter into a million pieces at any time, putting more pressure on her to be “okay” all the time.
But she wasn’t okay and never would be again. That was a given. The brief reprieve from sympathetic eyes came from the demands of the government agencies identified with an initial that demanded to speak with her regarding her ordeal. She’d delayed it as long as she could. Reliving the moment Devon was shot brought it all rushing back to her mercilessly, but she maintained her composure long enough to give them the info they needed. She only hoped it was enough to put those sons of bitches away forever.
Week two brought a different kind of suffering because everyone returned to their regularly scheduled lives, leaving Elle feeling as if she were drifting aimlessly through life. There was no one around to watch her every move except Beth, who was busy looking for a new job. Elle envied her friend in a way. A new job would bring a new start, a clean slate to put all the ghosts of their abduction ordeal behind her. While Elle felt a little bit stronger every day, her heart wasn’t in returning to the fake life of a Hollywood starlet.
With the newfound free time she had, her thoughts kept returning to that moment when Devon was shot. She began to remember details that didn’t stand out to her at first. Fear had gripped her so tightly while she was in the middle of the chaos, she didn’t realize she’d blocked the memory of Bone leveling his gun at her. The panicked expression on Devon’s face when he’d entered the garage. The way he’d sprinted across the floor and stopped when he was directly in front of her.
